


I'll See You On The Other Side (Hopefully)

by LuckyPossums



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst, Dad Caustic, Dimension Travel, Disaster lesbian Wraith, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, no beta we die like women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22802299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyPossums/pseuds/LuckyPossums
Summary: In the heat of battle, Wraith takes a portal and ends up somewhere she never could have anticipated.AU Where Wraith ends up in an alternate reality in which she is married to her teammate Wattson. The woman who Wraith thought in her reality was only a passing crush.
Relationships: Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 79
Kudos: 535





	1. Chapter One

Renee needed a miracle, or at least, something more reliable than her havoc rifle. Bangalore had been the only member on her team with a sniper rifle and once she'd been downed the rest of the fight had gone haywire. 

She risked a glance at Lifeline who was crouching for cover with D.O.C slowly healing her. Renee barely had time to shout a warning before she saw Pathfinder's grapple, followed by the blue figure with a peacekeeper in his happy hands. It took him only a moment to finish off Renee's last squadmate. 

Three squads left and the odds for Renee were only getting slimmer and slimmer. She had a portal set, could take it down to the low ground and try to take measly cover. Thought it wouldn't take long for someone to pick her off in the open terrain. 

Pathfinder chose for her when swapped his peacekeeper for a spitfire and angled her way. Renee ducked back into the portal by reflex, already planning her next move when the cold of the void snaked into her skin, forcing her hairs to stand on end. 

She was used to the cold void of the portal, the feeling of flashing through the steps that she had carved through the realm of midnight and nothing. Now, she was stuck falling through unfamiliar paths. 

She thought she could feel her back cracking through icy spiderwebs as she crashed through the void. The thin threads coating her in layers of permafrost. 

Her eyes fought to roll around her skull, searching for a chance, an escape, a path, unfamiliar or not she'd take it. 

Her fingers fumbled for the webs around her like rope, chasing them somewhere, feeling their fragility collapse under her weight. Pathways that didn't belong to her, that couldn't support her. Too wrong but when had Renee ever been given a solution that she didn't have to fight for?

This time when she flung out her hand she tugged at the void, demanded it with the very thin claim of mastery she had over it to _bend_ to her. The void answered back, sending a shocking feeling of _something_ grasping back at her, tugging her towards a chance. 

Renee threaded her fingers through the shocking grasp, she forced her eyes to face the storm around her in cold of the void. And in that unravelling of power, she thought she saw a reflection of herself. 

The void made a snapping sound and ripped open and Renee fell through the portal beneath her. 

The humid air of the lava dome was a warm relief from the frostbite of the void that quickly fled her skin. 

However, her relief was short-lived when she rolled onto her back and came face to the semi-circle of Caustic's traps surrounding her. 

Renee let out a groan and let her head drop back onto the ground. She would have had a better shot against Pathfinder. 

_You're in the wrong place,_ a voice echoed unhelpfully in her head. No shit. 

She was almost about the start getting impatient for the gas to activate and just get it over with, when a booming announcement played throughout the arena, "you are Apex Champions."

 _Fuck,_ was all Renee could think. Had the others died outside the ring? How long had she been stuck in the void for? Maybe, she had been gone long enough that she had been registered as dead and they had called the game. 

"Victory was not easy to attain," Caustic noted and Renee glanced left where she now noticed that he had been standing a few feet away. "Though with the skill of our team, it was inevitable."

"Hooray for your team then," Renee said gruffly. She didn't know how she found the strength but she pulled herself up into a seated position. "There was a problem with the respawn beacon it looks like, there was no one left to get me up."

That was the only reasoning that she could guess was why she was alive. She must have bled out at one point, dreamed of the void and after Caustic's squad had won she must have been accidentally respawned by a glitch. 

Caustic turned to face her, with the gas mask on his face it was difficult to tell but she thought he might have been frowning. "When were you downed?" He asked. 

"Squad got downed all at once," she shrugged, "didn't stand much of a chance."

"Whose squad?" Caustic pressed. 

Renee was fairly certain that a scientist should be smarter than this but she spoke slowly and forced herself not to roll her eyes, "My squad, Bangalore, Lifeline, and I."

Caustic was silent, which Renee took as a notion of acceptance, maybe his curiosity was sated now, she never knew how to deal with Caustic. She let her eyes rest on the horizon as a figure from the hill began to trot down. Likely another member of Caustic's squad, though she couldn't bring herself to remember who had been on his squad. 

A shuffle of boots in the dirt had her focus placed back onto Caustic when he reached her side and said, "you alright kid?"

Renee didn't know what to take from that tone, her first reaction was that it might be a concern. Though she had never heard Caustic use that tone of voice without the intention to mock someone. 

She saw his hand reach out and flinched back. She had forgotten her havoc by her side and she was very aware of the gas traps around her. She couldn't help thinking if this was Caustic's code and that he wouldn't care about the respawn error and wouldn't consider himself victorious until she was definitively downed. 

Whatever she expected, it wasn't the reality before her. Caustic let his hand stay motionless, outstretched, and it took her a moment too long for her to realise that he expected her to grasp his hand. 

"Renee?" He asked and it only took that one word for the cold of the void to slink back into her skin. 

With a snarl, she smacked his hand out of her view and forced her body to obey and staggered upwards from the ground. She knew that some people would know her name in the games. Crypto for one, though she had already threatened the hacker about letting any details of her life loose. She had given her name to Elliott by her choice, and Pathfinder almost by accident. But that had been it. She defined her limits. 

"Fuck off," she bit out, "I don't need your fucking help."

Caustic shouldn't know her name. If Caustic knew her name then what else did he know? What other steps did she need to take to protect herself again? Because by now Renee had learned that there was always an _again_ for her. 

She was tempted to reach for her havoc, though she wasn't exactly sure if it would set off the gas traps. She didn't need a vicious death right now that she had seen and experienced before. 

_You're in the wrong place,_ the voices responded more urgently and equally more unhelpfully. 

"Did the rest of my squad respawn?" Renee demanded. She wanted to see anyone other than Caustic right now, she could deal with her identity later. She wanted Bangalore's certain authority and Lifeline's ease and gentle comfort. 

Caustic's hand moved again like he was going to offer his hand but paused when she took a step back. Good choice, given that she was now clutching the kunai that had been strapped to her belt. 

"Re-Wraith I am your teammate," he said with certainty. "Bangalore, Lifeline, and Pathfinder were downed at the beginning of the match by _us._ "

Her eyes went blank as she tried to tune into the voices, she was met with only silence before an intruding voice urged her again, _you're in the wrong place._

Renee didn't deign to respond. She lifted the console attached to her wrist to view the map. There she expected to see an absence of other squad members but instead, there were two other makers near hers, one the same direction where Caustic stood and the other moving towards them. The second marker which she noticed was now very close. 

Renee only had a moment to turn around before someone collided with her.

The first thing Renee felt was a press of lips against her cheek, the first thing Wattson felt was two hands shoving her back, almost enough to throw her off balance. 

Then Renee saw who it was, her hood pulled down so that her hair bounced in the humid air, strands sticking to her forehead. The golden hair fell just below her shoulders, longer than Renee remembered it being when she had seen Wattson in the communal living spaces. And she instantly regretted shoving her away. 

When Renee saw Wattson's hurt reaction she fought to keep her flinch internal. But Wattson quickly recovered, looking more embarrassed than uncomfortable now. 

"Sorry! Sorry! I just got so wrapped up in our victory," Wattson said while she fussed over Renee and brushed the debris off of her suit. She continued rambling until she reached her shoulders and paused, "you didn't lose your scarf did you?"

Renee's hand instantly reached for the signature black fabric around her neck and was relieved to find it intact. She frowned, "I still have it."

"No, no, the knitted grey one you made last week," Wattson said as if that would make sense to Renee. 

"I don't _knit,_ " Renee snapped and she couldn't keep her tone from sounding offended. 

Whenever Wattson was there it had been impossible for Renee not to notice how she occupied the space and filled it with warmth. Her hands were always moving, turning over each other and tracing symbols onto kitchen countertops like she was always planning and thinking of her projects. 

It was a sense of personality and warmth that made it hard for Wraith to stay close, and easy to watch from afar. 

But now all of that electric movement was flushed from her system as Wattson stood staring forward at Renee, her eyebrows knitted together like she was working out an especially difficult puzzle. 

"It would seem that Renee is struggling with some memory issues," Caustic told Wattson. 

The way he acted like he was speaking _around_ her only served to piss her off, "I'm fucking fine."

"What's the date then," he challenged her. 

For a moment she felt herself go off-kilter and took a moment to answer and felt gratified when Caustic responded with a short nod that let her know that she had answered correctly. 

She heard Wattson urge Caustic, "memory problems? What problems?"

 _You're in the wrong place,_ the voices whispered. 

"She thought she was on a team with Bangalore and Lifeline," he answered, "I don't think she recognised me either."

Renee took a step back for a second, "listen I-"

"She did not recognise you?" Wattson interrupted and pressed her gaze back onto Renee. "But you recognise me? Or do you know where you are and who you are?"

That desperation in Wattson's voice felt like needles sticking into her skin. 

_You're in the wrong place,_ a single voice this time, clearer than the others. 

She thought of the portal, losing her path and searching for anything or anyone to hold onto, and she had gripped that spark in the dark and wrestled it until she was free. Until she was here. 

"Fuck," Renee mouthed, "I'm in the wrong fucking place."

Wattson and Caustic just stared at her, unsure whether to press her at the moment or wait.

Renee took a second to breathe, she could hear the dropship approaching in the distance to retrieve them. She didn't have the time to breathe and think. 

"I took a portal during a fight," Wraith told them steadily, "Something went wrong I think, ended up here instead of my world, my reality." She thought of the reflection of herself that she had seen when falling through the void. "Your Wraith and I must have somehow…Exchanged places while we were in the void, I arrived in her reality, here."

"And assumingly she arrived in your reality instead," Caustic mused. 

Renee gave a short nod, her eyes falling back to Wattson. The electrical engineer's hands were hugging her waist, her motionless actions had taken on a deadly stillness while she watched Renee. 

Caustic was looking towards Wattson as if waiting for her to say something first. When the silence stretched for too long Caustic continued, "are you able to create a similar portal?"

Renee checked her console again as an excuse to look away from the two. She kept her gaze locked on the marker of the approaching dropship when she said, "I don't have enough energy to create another portal right now." She flicked her eyes up and noticed how Wattson's expression began to turn more fearful and quickly added, "but later I could attempt it."

"And her voice?" Wattson said quietly. "Are you able to hear her out there?"

Renee paused, in her reality, she preferred to keep the details of her abilities hidden. She didn't people getting too curious or worse, too close. 

But this, Renee considered, was not her reality. 

Her eyes melted into a milky shade and tried to focus, the voices were quieter when she was out of danger, but she had never tried searching for specific alternates of herself. After a moment of searching and the disappoint weighing in of finding nothing to appease Wattson with she stopped listening. 

"It's hard to search for specific things," Renee settled on saying, "she was speaking earlier I think…She said she was in the wrong place."

Wattson sighed in relief and her arms dropped back to her sides, "so she knows then, that's - that's good for now. Is there a chance she could speak to you again then?

"Maybe," Renee winced when she realised what state her alternate self must have emerged from. "She's likely being respawned now, my squad was already down and I was about to be picked off too. She probably took the portal expecting your cover on the other side."

The second she said those words she regretted it. Wattson's sense of ease, of movement returning to her stiff form once again melted away. Renee wanted to smack her head against the ground, the last thing she wanted was to make Wattson feel guilty. 

"I-" Wattson's boots unearthed the volcanic ash while her eyes stayed away from Renee, "I should have-"

Renee was almost grateful for Caustic's presence when he interrupted with a grunt and a hand pointing across from them. Her gaze followed his vision to the dropship which had landed nearby. 

"The problem can be solved later," he affirmed, "as for now.."

Wattson hastily nodded, "later yes, we'll fix everything later."

The engineer's shaking hand reached out to her. Renee only stared at the girl for a moment, she couldn't help but wonder what Wattson was seeing before her. An imposter maybe? A stranger that couldn't replace the teammate that she had worked alongside in this reality? 

More likely, she saw her only possible chance, something that was a solution to a problem. And Renee thought that she didn't mind being that something, as long as it was something to Wattson. With that thought in mind, she accepted Wattson's gloved hand. 

-

The similarities of the setting before her almost made it harder to stay aware. The map of the arena is the same, the style of clothing that Wattson and Caustic wear, the interior of the dropship, and the voice of the pilot. 

Renee is seated between Wattson and Caustic, even the way that the dropship seats are too close and too small are exact to her memory. Caustic seems to be messing with one of his gas traps, Renee notes that it looks different from his regular traps. Whether it was a sign of the difference between their realities or a modification that she had never paid close attention to in her world she can't tell. 

Wattson at least had been invigorated once again it seemed. She was using a cloth and her canteen of water to dab at the blood on Wraith's face. Initially, Renee had batted away at her hand but when Wattson had asked with a soft voice if she could take care of her, Renee had felt her resolve crumble. 

The engineer dabbed softly at the blood until it separated from her skin, whenever Renee felt uncomfortable with something Wattson was doing, she was surprised that Wattson already had begun to move onto something else. Wattson seemed to realise the lines to press and the lines to not cross when working with her. 

Renee's hands felt heavy and awkward in her lap, she supposes that she shouldn't be surprised by Wattson's tenderness. Out of the many legends that Renee had been partnered with she hadn't expected any of them to be so sweet. 

There were certainly kind legends, Mirage was one of them for all his bluster but kindness was different from the tenderness that Wattson possessed. The way she revived someone with the electricity that she flooded through their system and tempered it with warmth. Even then Renee hesitated to describe her as cute. Cute rarely described someone she had seen down two squads with a p2020 and fuck if that wasn't just as hot. 

When Wattson paused and stared at her it took Renee a moment of blinking to realise that she hadn't been listening to anything she's been saying. 

"Huh? She murmured. Renee was not sure where to look, the other girl was so close to her face that she felt uncomfortable making any eye contact. 

Renee's voice felt dull in her mouth and she ridiculed herself internally for acting like a fool. Still, Wattson surprised her by giving her a welcoming smile and repeated, "I was wondering if you knit?"

"I…I don't knit." Renee responded sluggishly, "Does…she knit here?"

"You only started about two months ago," she answered. Renee mourned the loss of her hand cleaning the grime and blood from her face but forced herself to remain concentrated. "You made a lot of mistakes but you finally ended up with a scarf made of five different types of yarn and all these different shades of grey that didn't match. But I convinced you to wear it into the arena today because I could tell you were proud of it."

Renee didn't miss that Wattson said 'you' as if they were the same person. It was something small that she shouldn't fixate on but she couldn't help but consider what it meant. 

Wattson tucked the dirty cloth into her pocket and continued, "don't worry, every legend still thinks that you're just as terrifying as always. Even though you knit in the community lounge rooms sometimes."

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow and tried to imagine herself as a grandmother knitting away.

"Well…You had to threaten to stab Octane first with your knitting needles but it worked," Wattson added with a slightly smug tone. 

At least, Renee had something in common with her alternate. She didn't know enough of this reality though it seemed similar enough. They were both Wraith, an Apex Legend and strong competitor, that was all she had needed to be comfortable in herself. 

Although here others were different. Wattson seemed similar to how she knew her, however, they seemed to be closer friends here. It reminded her of the comfort that she sometimes felt around Pathfinder or Mirage. Like she didn't have to think about herself and she didn't have to worry about looking over her shoulder. 

So when Wattson looked at her like that, like she had the same expectations that Renee would be watching her back, it was easy to envy her alternate self. 

Wattson seemed eager enough to fill the silence because she continued, "And am I very different where you're from?"

Renee tried to think, they seemed similar enough. "You're hair…Is longer here," she eventually settled on awkwardly. 

The engineer gave a short laugh before she rambled, "well I wanted to grow my hair out a little bit for the wedding but I've been meaning to cut it since the games have been on again but it just keeps slipping my mind."

"Wedding?" Renee immediately thought of Gibraltar and his boyfriend. Maybe they were married in this reality. 

Wattson only blinked and even Renee sensed Caustic go still in his seat. 

"Our wedding," she amended nervously, "we're…In your reality are we not…"

Renee only stared forward, "in this reality you and your Wraith are married," she said it out loud as if it would somehow help her come to terms with this. 

"You-You are not married with my…My other self in your reality?" Wattson asked with trepidation. 

"Why would we be?" Renee said and instantly flinched at her answer. 

She saved herself from having to see Wattson's reaction and pressed her gaze into her lap where those heavy, useless hands of hers laid. 

"Ah," Wattson said and her voice sounded distant and impossibly quiet. "Of course."

The rest of the dropship ride was contained to silence. 


	2. Chapter Two

When the three of them were escorted off of the dropship Renee was only given a brief moment of respite before the lights of cameras flashing revitalized her anxieties. At least it was familiar as well. As the winning champions, they were escorted through a lane of fans, paparazzi, and journalists before they can reach the Apex lodges.

In her world it was easy enough to avoid the crowds after a game due to her character, her distance from fame serving to cement her persona. She never felt the need to give out autographs or answer ridiculous questions about her dating life in her reality.

But here it was different. There was a constant paranoia surrounding Renee as she walked with Caustic and Wattson. She had a deep-seated urge to fit, the last thing she aimed to do was to leave a mess behind for when her alternate self returned to her reality. 

When she would return to her wife.

Renee watched Wattson as she walked between the crowds with a slight skip to her step. Every now and then she stopped to write an autograph on someone's arm or take a quick photo. It was difficult to draw her attention away and focus on something else. At least in this setting Caustic seemed more normal, he had the same distaste for the crowds as she remembered.

All the while Rene kept walking forward without paying attention to the noise. She heard a question or two that was loud enough to rise over the crowd but ignored each one. No matter how personal they got, no matter when she heard them say Wattson's name and she had to force herself not to turn.

What she didn't expect was Wattson to catch up to her and melt her fingers through Renee's like she had done it a thousand times. And she probably has, Renee thought to herself. To someone else, someone who Renee almost wanted to be.

Wattson tugged her forward and away from the crowds with a sense of urgency as they reached the Apex Games quarters where they were separated from the crowds once they reached the lobby. Outside the cheers that were given from Wattson's display of affection were cut off by the glass doors sliding shut.

After what she had said during the flight back, Renee was content enough to stay quiet. All she had managed to do so far was make things more uncomfortable and uncertain for everyone involved. She stayed quiet as they separated from Caustic who gave a vague promise of meeting them in the morning to fix the situation.

While Wattson guided her to the elevator, Renee continued to observe the lobby and her surroundings for differences between their realities. However, she was unable to spot anything, even the attendants at the desks and counters around looked familiar to those in her reality. It made it all the more frustrating for her to quantify the string of events that would have led her to marry Wattson.

In her reality, she had been teamed with Wattson once or twice before which was what had begun her loose crush for the other legend. Still, she had barely spoken to her and preferred to keep her few friendships as they were. Letting her trust show for a few like Mirage or Pathfinder through her skill in protecting them during the games.

When she had first been teamed with Wattson, one of those moments that were too short, she was certain that with a new legend it would be difficult to make the top three. Renee had been laying on her back about to blackout when Wattson had shocked lightning through her nerves and she had stuttered her eyelids open to those blue eyes. Renee enjoyed the way that her ultimate would send flashes that reminded her of fireworks. Although Renee would never admit that in the past she had wasted a grenade or two to see the blue flash and Wattson's gladdened smile.

She had ruled it off as baseless attraction that formed from adrenaline. Then she had thought of tracing her fingers along the scars on her cheek to feel the texture. Sliding her hand down her face to feel the curve of her lips. Wondered how it would feel to set her hands on her cute waist and clutch the zip on that little jumpsuit. Those fantasies had been based on attraction and Renee was certain that they would fade once she learned to compete with Wattson.

And then Renee had begun to learn other things. In the community lounge areas, there were moments when Wattson was looking over her equipment and suddenly would pause. Then her mouth would widen into a little 'o' shape and she would begin to mumble and scribble down her thoughts with such enthusiasm that Renee thought her pen would break.

Renee had never imagined marriage.

She had never thought of an early morning where Wattson would tug on one of her jumpers or wrap her scarf around her. Wattson might be cooking them breakfast and Renee would come behind her and wrap her arms around the smaller girl's waist and bury her head in the crook of Wattson's neck.

Now, Renee thought, it was going to be fucking impossible not to think of it.

The long elevator ride stretched the discomfort between them. The elevator was silent and Renee mourned that there wasn't any terrible music to fill the elevator instead of awkwardness.

"I suppose that I'm quite different to what you would expect," Wattson said with a touch of bashfulness.

She rolled the answer over her tongue before she responded, "you seem mostly similar."

She risked a glance over to the smaller girl who looked disappointed by her answer. So Renee continued to talk, "but Caustic is different. He's…More friendly here, I don't know much about him in my reality aside from his skill in the games."

"Oh," Wattson considered, "I guess it would make sense that you wouldn't interact as much with him. Considering that here he's your father-in-law."

If Renee had been drinking water she would have spat it out at that moment. Instead, her shock resulted in a coughing noise as she stumbled, "Caustic is what?"

"It's very unofficial, more of a joke between everyone," Wattson said, "you sort of encouraged me to reach out to him a bit more because my parents worked with him and our abilities in combat are very similar. And then I was very surprised by how well we were able to work together and the three of us began to be matched together in games…And it just sort of continued from there."

"Continued from there," Renee repeated blankly, "to the status of father-in-law."

"It became very clear to the legends when we started having 'family' dinners every fortnight," she added like it should be an obvious fact to her.

Renee tried to envision cooking dinner and setting down a plate for herself, Wattson, and Caustic around the tiny table in her apartment. The white table had a lazy leg which often had the tendency to result in her meals sliding off the table. In her apartment, she rarely replaced her furniture despite having the money to do so, which had left her tiny dining table surrounded by four white stools.

She noticed when the elevator rose above the floors where either of their apartments was in Renee's reality. When they finally reached the floor that Wattson had selected the engineer guided her down the hallways to the entrance of an unfamiliar apartment. Based on the spacing of the door's Renee assumed that the apartments on this floor were larger than those on her normal floor.

Wattson swiped a key card and the door opened to a large apartment. Renee could only assume that meant that her alternate and self and Wattson had moved into a larger apartment once they had gotten married.

A lot of the furniture was unfamiliar, many of the decorations around the apartment seemed new but clearly well-chosen or at least they held an aspect of sentimentality. Near the entrance of the kitchen was a corkboard filled with pinned photos. By the entrance, she spotted the scarf that was identical to the one she was wearing which gave Renee a sense of normalcy.

Throughout the apartment, there was a scent of the afterburn of a candle. One that she could imagine her alternate self blowing out quickly in a rush to make it to the games with Wattson, her wife, trailing behind her adjusting the straps of her gear before they shut the door. They both would have imagined that whether it would be a win or a loss in the game, they would return to their home and light that candle once again.

Renee had taken that possibility from her. Now Wattson's wife was stuck in her reality, there would be no shared apartment with a sweet candle for her to return to. If she went to Renee's apartment there would be her dark kitchen that desperately needed to be filled and the cold air from the window that she always forgot to close. And of course, her small single bed.

Wattson raised her hand as if she was going to grasp Renee's shoulder and then decided against it, instead she lowered it and rested it on her hip. "You can get changed through here," Wattson offered while she pointed to a door that presumably led to the bedroom, "I doubt   
your outfit is very comfortable."

For a moment, Renee wondered if Wattson was going to join her though that thought abated when she instead turned towards the kitchen and began to shuffle through the fridge.

When Renee first entered the room she had to flick the light switch to bathe the room in a warm orange colour. The style definitely wasn't comparable to her apartment at all. Renee had kept her clothes in cardboard boxes while in this bedroom there was a sliding door that led off to a walk-in-robe. Unlike her metal-framed single bed, there was instead a large king-size bed with warm chestnut-coloured sheets.

Renee noted tiny details as she headed into the walk-in wardrobe, the only piece of furniture she recognised was a small set of shelves which she owned. She was used to placing miscellaneous items on it in her home, weapons, notes, and the bowls or plates from the meals she would have in her room. Now it was being used to house books along the shelves, most of them French judging by the titles on the side. On top of the shelf facing the window was a potted cactus with a post-it note with a smiley face drawn on it.

Unlike she had expected, there was no discernible separation between her and Wattson's clothes in the wardrobe. However, there was a seeming transition between styles that made it easier for Renee to find what she was looking for. There were shirts and outfits which Renee recognised as ones that she had seen in windows of stores but decided against in her reality. They were always too superfluous or a waste of money to her even though she had more money than she knew what to do with.

Eventually, Renee found a pair of sweats that she owned in her reality as well and felt comfortable enough wearing them. Her alternate self might not exactly be considered a stranger, but Renee still didn't feel that it was fair to take the clothes that she didn't recognise. It felt like she was imbedding some part of her life into this other fantasy.

Except it's not a fantasy, she thought to herself, this could have been real for you as well if you didn't spend every minute of your day wallowing in self-pity. 

She tried to shove away the intrusive thoughts in her head by making herself busy and began to take off her gear. As she did it soon became very apparent that she would need to shower before she put on the new clothes. Renee had begun to shuffle towards the door and head towards the en suite which she had seen before when a small section of the wardrobe caught her eye.

Near a pile of jewellery were two rings which had been kept separate from the other shining sets. Both bands were decorated with a shining stone which was considered quite rare in World's Edge as well as a detailed band. Customs may have been different everywhere but Renee recognised wedding rings when she saw them. Certainly left behind to keep them safe during the games.

But Renee had ruined it, everything, for them. Wattson should have had her wife with her right now, rings cosy on their fingers like there was nowhere else they were better suited for.

As Renee moved into the en suite she began to plan. She was going to do whatever she had to get her alternate self here and reunite her with Wattson. They were going to wear those rings once again and have their family dinners with Caustic that sounded so farfetched to Renee.

And then she would go back to her reality and try to forget this ever happened.  
-

Renee had a miracle in her hands, more specifically a beautiful kraber. She had just taken it from a care package before leaping back through the portal to set up cover behind Caustic's traps.

Regardless, she doubted she needed the powerful weapon when her synergy with Natalie and Nox was leading them to wipe the battlefield. They were lucky enough to get paired and considering how skilfully they had mastered this game together they might not be working together for a while after this. If only to give the other teams a chance, Renee thought to herself smugly.

The game had been going so well until Renee went through the portal.

She was used to cold but she hadn't been prepared for the feeling of being buried under ice and sleet and the decay of the collapsing worlds. She hadn't been glad enough to reach the other side.

Despite the nauseous feeling that the aftermath of the portal gave her, the rush of confidence and adrenaline kept her on her feet. Wattson was on the high ground and would finish off Crypto as the last remaining straggler with her charge rifle and Nox had his ultimate ready to take away their exit.

She expected the portal to be protected by Nox's gas traps but when she had arrived they were gone. She didn't necessarily miss their presence and she wouldn't need the help. She glanced behind her and noticed that Natalie had changed positions since she was now parallel to her and angling her longbow towards Renee.

If her wife had moved then Crypto must have changed course from where they had expected him to go. Not that it mattered, if he was headed this way it even gave Renee a chance to get the last kill.

She slouched down a bit behind the barricade cover and kept her eyes on Natalie who tipped with longbow downwards so that Renee knew she would be able to clearly see her through her optics.

Renee gave her a slight wink that she knew Natalie would smile at. As much as the games were rewarding she was ready to return to their apartment. When they had first moved in together she had been so unsure and Natalie so confident.

Renee had questioned herself at every turn and had asked herself if she deserved this. Would Natalie just get bored with her? She had tormented herself on how Natalie would react to her history and if it would scare her away.

But Natalie had only wanted to speak and listen to her more. And she had held Renee's face in her hands and said to her easily "we deserve this."

Her moment of reminiscing was broken when Wattson fired her rifle and the impact broke her shield.

Fuck, Renee thought, that's a whole new shitty definition of trouble in paradise. 

Her reflexes led her to vault over the cover to the other side before Wattson's second bullet could reach her.

The first thought that reached her mind was that Wattson might have been teasing her to play more attentively if she had at least shot at her feet instead. But the mark had hit. They were on the same team and friendly fire shouldn't be capable of that.

"What the fuck Nat?" She called through her earpiece.

She was met with no response but static which only worsened her concern. She lifted her console and looked at the map, she couldn't see her team and instead her console marked two banners with Lifeline's and Bangalore's icons.

Was this because of Crypto? She knew he was a talented hacker but she doubted he would have the ability to turn off friendly fire and fuck up her console.

Before she could think Natalie dropped above her from a zip line - A zip line that she hadn't seen before - A zip line that should not have been there because she had personally taken down Pathfinder's squad at the beginning-

Natalie's wingman aimed in between her eyes and Renee didn't need to think anymore. Her arm swung out to smack away the gun and the shot went wide and just barely missed her skull.

She didn't give her a chance to think and her foot kicked straight into Renee's stomach and she doubled over when she felt the crack in her ribs. She ignored any voices that beckoned her to listen because all she could focus on was Natalie.

Instead of reaching for her wingman Natalie bent down so that she could retrieve Renee's kraber. She didn't stop her, she didn't move, didn't think.

She used to dream of this. Nightmares filled with her and Natalie forced to fight, Natalie's hair stained with blood and begging Renee to stop, to help her. But Renee had always woken up to Natalie shaking her awake, cleaning up her tears with her gentle kisses and letting Renee sit in her lap and just hold her until she could breathe again.

But Renee knew this wasn't a dream. It was her turn to beg now.

Natalie hoisted the heavy kraber and with a show of her teeth said, "thank you for the weapon mon ami."

While Natalie reloaded the weapon and prepared to finish it Renee found her eyes falling to the portal and remembered the dull cold that began to seep back into her skin once more. 

Fuck, Renee mouthed, I'm in the wrong fucking place. 

She went numb even before the kraber fired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing support from the last chapter it means so much to me! I will be shifting between both of the Wraith's but hopefully, it should be clear enough to tell what is what. 
> 
> I generally picture married!Wraith as a lot more smug and confident as opposed to regular Renee who I see as more of the loner Apex Legend that we see in the games who has yet to fully open up to people. 
> 
> I try to write as much as I can every day because I haven't felt this inspired in a long time but I also have some other Miragehound fic ideas floating around in my head that I might post at one point as well. 
> 
> Anyway point is - Thank you so much and leave a comment because they make my day!


	3. Chapter Three

Renee spent the first five minutes in the hospital when she woke up after respawning staring at the ceiling. She dimly remembered that like in her world, the nurses were always fussing around straight after the game. She barely wanted to move, her outfit chafed against her in all of the wrong spots and even the scarf that Natalie had lovingly swaddled around her neck this morning feels rough and heavy.

One of the nurses sat down a container by her bed that was familiar enough. 'Wraith' was engraved on top and inside she picked at the objects inside that belonged to her. Her wallet, phone, and keys were inside, items that weren't meant to be bought into the Apex Games but were set aside to be returned afterwards.

But the items inside weren't the same that Renee had placed aside in her world. She recognised her old cracked phone that Natalie had convinced her to replace months ago. When she turned on the broken screen the default wallpaper flickered to light, not at all like her newer model with her wallpaper of Natalie drinking hot cocoa, milk moustache endearingly set on her face.

Nor in her wallet was the coffee punch card from her favourite café that Natalie had taken her to on their first date. Any trace of her wife's influence in her life was gone.

 _Fuck_.

Renee thought of how Natalie had efficiently and calmly taken her out without a care. Dug the toe of her boot into her ribs without any remorse shown. She reached her hand up to her forehead and rubbed against her skull. The migraine that worked itself into her head as easily as that bullet had was a writhing disruption to every thought that she had.

Things were different here. These recovery room walls were a different shade of cream. On the nurses' uniforms, the red stripe was slightly thicker.

And her wife treated her like a stranger. Because apparently, she was one.

The hand on her forehead wrestled its way into her hair and gripped it hard. Her other hand was shaking too hard to move. Natalie. She wanted Nat. She wanted her sunshine so bad. She didn't want to be alone here like this.

 _Fuck_.

It felt more like she'd been shoved into the skin of herself from when she first joined the games. When she had to go back to the fucking awful apartment every night and wallow in scraps and awful furniture that she didn't care to replace because she barely cared about anything.

Was that where she had to go back to? Was she stuck here now? She tried to sink back into the voices but there was only silence in her head and the rickety sounds of nurses tinkering with hospital equipment outside of her room.

She ripped her hand out of her hair, tugging strings lose painfully from her bun, and tried to force a portal to open. But the void would not will to her. Instead, she only felt immensely drained from the game, more so than she usually would. Could breaking through the void into a different dimension use more power? She had no idea when she was going to fully recover - No idea if she could even go back - back to her - Natalie -

"Ya' trying out some new poses?" A voice from the open door interrupted.

Automatically, Renee's hand reached for her kunai at her waist while her eyes tracked the sound. Lifeline and Bangalore were both looking at her with an odd expression, if Renee was more lucid she would have been embarrassed.

She dropped her outstretched hand to the bed but didn't say anything in response. Lifeline and Bangalore had shrugged off most of the layers of their uniform for the games, instead, they were now left with something more casual and vulnerable to the cool air.

"Up and at 'em," Bangalore told her, "Mirage, Watts, and Path ending up winning the bet. Better bring that wallet of yours, Path doesn't need to eat but knowing Mirage he'll probably take us to some fancy place that's gonna burn a hole in our wallets."

Renee swung her legs off the side of the bed she was laying in and quickly pocketed the items from the container. Her eyes raised to meet their gaze for long enough for her to say, "no."

"Aw, c'mon don't be a sore loser," Lifeline groaned, "It's not like you can win every game, we still got plenty of light to burn before heading back to the lodges."

She paused. The last thing she wanted was to go back to that empty and dark apartment that her alternate self probably still lived in. Renee betted that she probably still hadn't kicked out that rat that had crawled itself into the walls in her world. And at one point ruined a movie night between Natalie and her before she decided to get rid of it.

Natalie was going to be there. Natalie was going to look at her like a stranger and have no idea how much Renee wanted her help, just to assure her. She wasn't her wife, but even when sat beneath her scope before Natalie took her out every inch of Renee's body had looked at her and screamed 'home'.

Still, between rat and Nat, Renee would happily stick to her not-wife.

Lifeline helped her shrug on a jacket as they exited the recovery rooms, it only took a moment to sign out before they were stringing her along to whatever fancy restaurant that Mirage had picked. The last time she'd been somewhere like that was on one of her first dates with Natalie.

Back then she'd seen Natalie, come up with a list of words in her head like 'smart', 'selfless' and 'loyal' and from there had chosen some fancy restaurant that had a waitlist that felt longer than the years of her life. About half an hour into the meal Renee had realised that she'd vastly misunderstood Natalie's tastes because they ended up a cheap burger joint around the corner.

Natalie spent the night stealing her onion rings and Renee spent hers trying to figure out how she wasn't going to screw this up. Because of course, she was going to find a way to screw it up. And then she could only be surprised when she didn't screw it up.

Because Natalie liked when her humour bordered on grim. She didn't mind that sometimes the voices in her head kept her up at night. Perhaps the worst argument of their relationship was Natalie's look of horror when Natalie found out that she used two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

Renee said it was cheap. Natalie said it was a crime against nature. And the latter ended up being proven right when Renee ended up swapping to a shampoo that made her hair silky and smell like vanilla. Which turned out to be Natalie's favourite scent, which Renee counted as a win in her favour.

Bangalore and Lifeline followed the directions on their phones to the address that Mirage had given them. They seemed content enough to let Wraith trail behind and take in the city while they bickered. Apparently, their phones were giving them different directions and they couldn't figure out exactly which way to go. They ended up walking around the same block three times because they actually figured out where they were meant to go.

And Renee was pleasantly surprised when instead of a sky rise restaurant they ducked into a small hole in the wall restaurant with green peeling paint on the walls. Half of the lights were flickering or broken, there was pretty much no one there, the girl at the counter was playing with the green streaks in her hair while she played a loud game on the phone. While the employee next to her was seeing how many cups they can stack on top of each other until it collapses. It struck her as less of a restaurant and more of a place where students would grab greasy hot food before heading off.

In the back of the joint Mirage, Pathfinder and Natalie are already seated in a booth. Mirage was bouncing his leg while talking with the other two at the table and when he spotted the three of them he gave a wave and an expression that vaguely reminded her of a puppy.

Natalie had pulled back her hood and Renee picked up that her hair was shorter like it used to be. Next to her, Mirage had zipped down the top half of his suit down to his waist and had tied down the fallen sleeves around his waist beneath the black tank top he wore. On a night like this, he probably should've been cold if not for the greasy heat that radiated through the restaurant.

Natalie looked adorable, sort of snug in the too-small booth between Pathfinder, who she was tying a bib around his neck, and Mirage. When Natalie saw them enter her head shot up and she inched around Mirage to hop out of the booth.

And Renee can't help but smile. Because she was probably wrong. She was going to laugh about overthinking this later because Natalie was smiling open-mouthed and wide like she could eat the sun. 

And then Natalie gave a shy wave and moved into the other side of the booth.

"Alright, back to your dream team Wraith, I know you’ve missed them," Bangalore said with a roll of her eyes.

Right. Not married. Didn't know her.

Lifeline slid next to Natalie while Bangalore joined them on the opposite side of the booth. Renee didn't want to seem too off and so she sat down next to Mirage and Pathfinder. The word 'dream team' stuck out in her head. In her reality, she didn’t remember ever being teamed up with the two of them. Maybe individually but not together.

"Dream team is pretty perfect," Mirage goaded, "Wattson was a pretty good replacement for you but nothing beats the original. As far as I'm concerned as long as two-thirds of the team is winning then you are too."

"But it will still be recorded as your loss," Pathfinder interjected happily.

"Oh yeah totally," he agreed, "you're still shouting and I hoped you've saved up because I am starving too."

The waiter that came over blew bubble gum while Mirage ordered for everyone. Renee didn't recognise most of the things that he ordered but she still made an attempt to listen. She couldn't tell whether the lack of recognition was due to the speciality of the food here or because perhaps the food in this reality was simply different.

As he ordered she noticed something else as well because it was pretty hard not to. And that's because she was almost completely certain that Mirage was flirting with the waiter. That struck her as off because she could swear hearing from third-hand gossip from Natalie about Mirage being in a new relationship. Though that simply be another difference in this reality.

Food came out slowly as they continued to talk. Renee kept quiet while they discussed the greatest moments of the game, Mirage and Lifeline were the most vocal and physical. Both of them mimed movements and manoeuvres from the games while Bangalore laughed loudly at each joke and slammed her fist heavily on the table enough that it would shake. Pathfinder wasn't the same, he only interjected when he had to correct a detail, which was often considering Mirage's tendency to exaggerate. In the meanwhile, he would adjust his bib like a medal around his neck.

But Renee was focused on Natalie. She spent most of the dinner winded in laughter and giving small interjections with inside jokes between Lifeline or Bangalore that didn't exist in her lifetime.

"As much as I love my girls," Lifeline grumbled while she pointed with a piece in her food in her hand that was crumbed and heavy, "I miss my green idiot and big ol' Gibby. Now _that's_ a dream team."

"And what am I? Dead meat?" Bangalore huffed. "Next time you need cover to pick someone back up I'm not popping shit."

Lifeline poked her in the shoulder with that crumbed food which Renee was starting to realise looked suspiciously like a claw. "Aw, c'mon ya' know you ya'd never leave me hanging," she teased.

"You've haven't said anything Wraith," Natalie mentioned and the way that she looked at her made her heart squeeze. "Who'd be on your dream team?

"Pfft, is that even a question?" Mirage joked. "It's Path and I any day."

Renee acted like she was considering the question. She already knew the answer in her mind, Caustic and Wattson and her had learned to work perfectly together. They had their own style and strategies. But she doubted that was the case in this world.

She promised herself with a bit of a smile that she wouldn't throw anything off too bad for her alternate self. But that didn't mean that she wasn't going to have some fun. She swirled the bubbly drink in her hand, "I'd say…Caustic…and our engineer here."

She saw Natalie's mouth open into a small 'oh' shape but Mirage just choked on what he was eating. Pathfinder extended a long arm to smack him hard on the back until he was breathing properly again.

"Caustic?" Elliott asked outlandishly. "No way, I can't believe that you'd chose to play with Caustic instead of me or our robot buddy over here."

From there the night continued lightly. Renee thought it would it be more difficult but the food had given a sense of warmth and some energy too. Maybe soon enough she'd be able to make another portal.

The others were familiar enough, they seemed similar to how she knew them. But there were differences in how they all acted around her. The Mirage that she knew in her world was the cocky show-off who she'd partnered with only a few times and she hadn't minded it that way. But here he talked like she was one of his most common teammates or maybe more like a friend.

Pathfinder was certainly similar. He didn't need to eat throughout the night but occasionally his screen made a face with a knife and fork on either side and he seemed happy enough to be included with the festivities.

She was used to the dinners with her and Natalie that occasionally included Caustic. Natalie was always happy to talk and ramble once she caught onto a topic with the other two of them filling the quiet spaces. She had never thought that she would have gotten to know the doctor. Then one week she had encouraged Natalie to reach out to him, their styles were plenty similar and they knew each other. Since then he had mellowed out a bit, less bloodthirsty certainly.

The night melted into the dark quicker than she realised. She stayed quiet in their conversations, picking at one dish which had quickly become her favourite. When the waiter had brought out the bowl of something green and sludgy she had assumed it was dipping sauce until Lifeline and Mirage had started using straws to drink from the thick sauce. And Renee was surprised to find out that it wasn't half bad.

She still didn't quite have the energy to open a portal but she began to feel more in touch with the void. She would probably be able to phase comfortably now but she didn't want to waste energy trying it. Briefly, she wondered whether her alternate self had the same control over her abilities.

Renee had treated her abilities just like that: simple _abilities._ Something to train and to wrangle with a lease until she could control it. Natalie had been the one to teach her how to properly embrace it. She taught Renee that they weren't just _voices,_ they were her, only trying to help and if she could just listen to them then they would.

That was how Renee had learned to stretch her imagination of its uses and refine it. It was how she learned to focus on specific voices or possibilities and stop those headaches that made it feel like the voices were crashing through her mind.

She could only hope that her alternate self had the same control because she didn't want to think of the possibility if she didn't. She couldn't help but wonder what Natalie and her alternate were doing in her world, if her alternate had been affected as badly as her then that would mean that she wouldn't be able to open the portal either for now. 

When Lifeline finished off the final dish it wasn't long before they began to quiet down and notice that the restaurant was about to close. Pathfinder took off his bib which became difficult since his fingers weren't very dexterous and he enlisted the help of the waiter, who ended up asking him for his autograph on the bib.

Bangalore grabbed Renee's and Lifeline's credit cards and paid for the bill that the group had racked up and made sure to tip the night-shift employees a bit extra. When they cleared out of the restaurant and took in the cool night air Renee tugged her scarf a little bit tighter around her neck to stay warm. Bangalore wasn't one for ceremonious goodbyes and left with a wave and shout. It wasn't a moment longer before Mirage and Lifeline decided to chase some nightlife further into town which Lifeline invited Pathfinder to when she found out that he had never gone to a proper club. Renee figured that was a recipe for disaster but decided not to interfere.

The flurry of goodbyes happened so quickly that it took Renee a moment to realise that the only ones left were her and Natalie.

Natalie lifted a hand to indicate to her neck, "I like your new scarf," she said with a smile. Just a simple way to fill in the awkward silence. Renee found herself smiling because she knew that her scarf was probably the ugliest piece of patchwork to set foot in any reality. Only Natalie would give out a compliment like that.

"Huh," she considered twirling a hand around the uneven stitching on her neck, "thank you."

"Are you heading back to your apartment too now or…?" Natalie trailed off.

She thought of her apartment. Filled with just a harrowing sense of emptiness and no touch of home that Natalie's and her's apartment was coated in.

"Actually," Renee said quietly, "would you mind if I joined you? I'm not quite ready to go back to mine yet."

"Oh!" Was the only thing that came out of her mouth before she stared at Renee for a second before continuing. "Sure, I really enjoyed tonight out with everyone! I'd love to have you - oh but my apartment is such a mess -"

Renee just smiled, "I'm sure it'll be perfect." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, it's been so long. I wrote another fic and just now I've started another Miragehound fic that I haven't uploaded anything of yet. 
> 
> I really wanted to make this chapter longer and add another scene but I felt like I really just needed to put some more content out there right now. 
> 
> But thank you for everyone who left so many lovely comments! I don't always respond to all of them but I read them all and gush about them all day!


	4. Chapter Four

Renee wasn't used to surprises without warnings. In her experience, any surprise was an unpleasant one.

Yet, she didn't quite mind the vanilla shampoo and conditioner that she lathed into her hair. The shower was one of those awfully fancy ones that took her a few minutes to figure out how to work the heat and change the water spray settings.

The towels were fluffy, unlike those in her apartment that seemed perpetually damp along with everything else in her apartment. She wiped away the steam that had clouded the mirror while the other hand combed through the knots in her hair.

Her reflection in the mirror gazed back at her, exhausted. Unlike the dried blood on her skin, the dark circles around her eyes weren't rubbed away so easily.

Renee wasn't sure where to place her gear. It felt wrong to leave it lying around, her gear covered in muck didn't belong in somewhere clean like here. She had set it on the bathroom countertop and eyed the dirty gear while she pulled on the black and grey sweats that she had gathered earlier.

Awkwardly, she bundled up the gear in her hands and pushed the door open her with her foot, heading back into the living room.

Wattson had changed out of her gear at one point, now wearing a baggy set of pyjamas with sheep decorating them. On top of her pants, she was wearing an oversized shirt that had a joke about electrons on it that went over Renee's head.

Her hair had been tied up into a low bun that was half falling out, she was in the kitchen, adjusting the nobs of the oven.

Renee waited awkwardly in the living room by the kitchen, holding her gear awkwardly. Everything in the apartment was terribly quiet. There were no voices, no alternates to guide her and tell her what to do or grant her some insight.

Eventually, Wattson turned to away from the oven to see Renee standing in the living room. "Oh good!" She exclaimed. "I was starting to wonder if you had drowned."

Wattson moved around the dark kitchen countertop and moved closer to Renee. That was when she noticed that the engineer's hands were covered in oversized oven mitts.

Renee shifted the gear in her arms and said, "I wasn't sure what do to with this…"

"Ah don't worry I'll take it," the blonde told her.

Those oversized mitts reached out and took Renee's gear off of her hands and she couldn't help but notice how warm those mitts that briefly brushed against her hands were.

Wattson headed back into the bedroom, Renee assumed that she was putting away her gear somewhere in that wardrobe. While she did, Renee stood awkwardly in the living room. Even though she had showered, Renee still felt unclean here. As if she was going to ruin something by simply sitting down on the couch.

Renee didn't need the voices to tell her that she didn't belong here.

When Wattson came back into the room empty-handed, she frowned when she saw Renee still standing there. "Go, go," she waved, "sit down somewhere. This is sort of your apartment as well."

Renee disagreed with that but she took a seat on the brown leather couch closest to her. She kept her hands in her lap awkwardly while Wattson joined her. Renee's eyes away from Wattson, instead choosing to look at the coffee table in front of them. There were a few books, one titled 'French for Beginners' and along with some coasters.

"I didn't have your favourite," Wattson interrupted the awkward silence, "dinner won't be very nice, I'm afraid."

Renee wasn't even sure what she would consider her 'favourite' meal, let alone what Wattson thought it was. "I don't mind," she shrugged and turned back towards the direction of the oven. "You didn't have to make anything."

"Of course I did!" Wattson exclaimed. "Making you something seemed polite…Well, I didn't really 'make' anything. Oh, I should've just ordered takeaway instead."

"I don't mind," she said. "What's in the oven?"

The engineer pulled off her oven mitts, folding them over each other on the coffee table. "Oh, um, I don't know if you…" She trailed off. "Do we have any inside jokes? Maybe you might get it."

Renee had hardly spoken with Wattson. They certainly wouldn't have any inside jokes.

Still, she asked, "what's the joke?"

"Well the first time I went to your apartment was after a game," Wattson began, "we had just won, we'd been dating for almost a month and I asked to go to yours. You weren't really prepared and the only food you had in your fridge was a box of dinosaur-shaped nuggets and we shared them for dinner. And you were blushing the whole time, it was very cute because you thought I would want something fancy."

"Dinosaur nuggets," she repeated blankly. 

Wattson's hands moved to the back of her hair to fix her bun a bit. "I know it sounds a little silly," she said with a faint blush, "I suppose you must not have the same story."

"No," Renee replied in a small voice. 

She didn't mention that the only thing currently in her fridge currently were dinosaur nuggets. They were cheaper than regular nuggets which is why she had dropped them into her cart in the first place.

A moment of silence stretched between the two of them again. Once Wattson had fixed her bun she worried her lip and admitted, "oh I should have just ordered takeaway. I think there's a traditional Thai shop that's still open."

"It's fine," Renee said. It really was, she didn't want to feel like she was leeching off of Wattson's generosity.

Wattson pressed her lips together for a second and then said, "there's some leftover chicken in the fridge I can pair with it. I just wish that I could've given you something more comforting."

"Wattson-"

"Please call me Natalie."

"Natalie," Renee tested and tried not to completely melt when the other legend smiled reassuringly in response. "I was already expecting a similar dinner at the start of the day. And right now I don't want or expect anything else."

Natalie blinked for a moment and a relaxed smile grew on her face. "Ok," she agreed. "How are feeling now?"

_ She wants her wife,  _ Renee thought to herself.  _ She doesn't want you.  _

"Better," she eventually responded when a look of concern began to appear on her face. "I can't open a portal yet but perhaps in a few hours…"

"And what about the voices?" Natalie asked casually.

Renee had to keep herself from tensing. She never told anyone more than they needed to know when it came to her abilities. Although, she shouldn't have been surprised that Natalie would know. Yet she couldn't scratch that feeling that it was wrong for her to know. 

Because Natalie knew and yet she was still here.

"I can't hear them," Renee admitted.

Natalie frowned, "even when you were weak you were always able to hear them."

"I haven't felt this weak before," she told her, rougher and colder than she would have liked her tone to be. "What do you know about the voices?"

Natalie crossed her ankles and stretched out her arms like she was relaxing into telling a story. "You liked to meditate around me," she told her, "you were trying to learn how to focus it more and figure it out. It wasn't my sort of scientific field but…I offered ideas and you came back the next day to try again. And then you kept coming back."

"I did?" Renee echoed and couldn't help but think of those gentle and warm oven mitts picking up her gear. "And that was how…"

"How what?"

Renee couldn't help but cringe slightly, "I mean how you two-"

"Oh no," Natalie interrupted, "we were dating before that, you were the one who asked me out."

If Renee had been drinking something, she surely would have choked on it. "I did?"

"We were on a team with Octane," Natalie recalled, "and he was being himself. You had your kunai out and Octavio said he was shocked that you didn't have knitting needles instead. Um...I think next you made a joke that 'they wouldn't let you bring the needles' but I didn't realise that you were joking."

A sense of discomfort began to wash over her and Renee could tell where this was going.

Natalie seemed uncomfortable too, fidgeting with her hands although there was still a smile on her face. Like she was stuck between a warm yet uncomfortable memory.

She continued, "and well I thought it was nice and one day in the city I saw one of those knitting gift boxes with needles and yarn and all these beautiful things in it. I bought it and went to your apartment to try to give it to you. I think you can guess what happened from there."

"I told you that I didn't knit," Renee murmured.

Natalie laughed, "exactly. I was so embarrassed and red but I also knew that you felt guilty too. I was bumbling apologies and I was about to just run down the hallway and try to forget that it had even happened. You offered to pay me back and but I wouldn't let you. Eventually, you offered to pay me instead back by taking me to lunch."

Renee didn't have a story like that. It was ridiculous, awkward and embarrassing. Something personal that Natalie or her alternate self must have told a thousand times to others.

She could almost picture that. Someone asking how they met, Natalie would groan and try to burrow her face in her hands and say 'not this again'. She and her wife would look back at each other as if to say 'whose turn is to tell the story?' with a faux kind of exhaustion. Then, one of them would delve into the story with a smile on their face.

A story that Renee wasn't a part of.

While she struggled to find something to say, Natalie perked up when she heard the alarm on the oven go off. She headed into the kitchen and Renee, who felt uncomfortable alone on the couch, followed after her.

"In the morning should work," Renee told her.

"Morning?"

"To open a portal," she clarified.

Natalie was quiet as she pulled the tray of nuggets out of the oven and set them aside.

She stared the engineer, surprised that she hadn't responded but continued, "once I start hearing the voices again I might be able to reach out to her."

"But you're not hearing them now," Natalie interjected.

"I will," she replied, "soon."

Natalie pulled off those mitts and set them down gently. "But we don't know that," Natalie said softly.

"I know what I'm capable of."

"I do too!" Natalie said frustrated. "You of all people should know not to rush these things, what if something worse happens?"

Renee shook her head and stated, "I remember what I felt in the void. I only have to recreate it. Don't you want this to be over already?"

Natalie fumbled desperately, "yes but not if we don't understand the risks. This hasn't happened before, we don't know what could happen. You almost made mistakes like this before but we had measures to-"

"No, I didn't."

_ Stop talking,  _ she tried to tell herself.

The other legend blinked at a loss, "what?"

"I didn't train with you," Renee said slowly as she looked Natalie in the eye. "I didn't ask you out to have coffee. I don't knit. I don't have dinners with you and  _ fucking  _ Caustic. I didn't marry you so stop saying 'you' like I am her."

_ Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking.  _

"Renee-"

"I have no idea who you are," she stated, "and you have no idea who I am."

_ Shut the fuck up.  _

Natalie's eyes were red, her fists were clutching onto those sheep-decorated pyjamas of hers. Her mouth was pressed into a hard line, eyes at Renee's feet.

"I do," Natalie whispered. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't…"

She raised a hand to rub at her eyes, choking out a sob. Renee only stared at her listlessly, regret beginning to dig into her veins.

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck.  _

"I'm really sorry," Natalie murmured. "I didn't mean to treat you like you didn't have your own life that wasn't ours. I know you do but…It's so hard."

Renee wanted to hit something. Preferably herself. Instead, she held off and lifted her hands out but stopped when she realised that she didn't know how to console her. Her hands felt impossibly heavy in the open air when she said, "I'm the one who owes you an apology."

Natalie shook her head while she rubbed at her eyes and Renee continued to speak, "this isn't your fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have said anything."

"I was making you uncomfortable," she hiccupped, "and it's not your fault either."

"I created the portal," Renee told her, "I created the problem."

"Still not your fault."

"It is."

"Isn't."

Renee frowned.

"Yes, it is."

"Nope, it's my fault as much as yours."

She narrowed her eyes at Natalie but noticed that when she finished wiping her eyes, there was a small smile growing on her face.

Renee couldn't help but smile slightly as well. "Alright," she conceded, "it can be both our fault."

"How about it's neither of our faults?" Natalie offered.

"Alright, it's no one's fault," Renee agreed with a tentative smile.

The blonde sniffed and reached down the tray, pushing it in Renee's direction. "Dino-nugget?" She asked like it was a peace offering.

Renee huffed a small laugh and picked up a nugget. She was about to take a bite when she realised that Natalie was holding up her nugget like she wanted to toast it. Renee raised an eyebrow but obliged, tapping their nuggets together before they both took a bite.

When Natalie was done with her first nugget she giggled a bit. "I can't believe I'm feeding you dinosaur nuggets," she admitted, "I feel like I'm a terrible babysitter in a movie."

"I can't believe you let me eat dino-nuggets after I had a tantrum," she said after swallowing down the rest of her nugget and then reaching for another one. "Again, I'm sorry for taking my anger-"

"I'm not mad at you," Natalie interrupted. "We’re just both…"

"Frustrated?"

"Mhm."

The two of them were quiet for a moment while they picked up the nuggets one by one off of the hot tray. They were still burningly warm but neither of them seemed to particularly mind, the leftover chicken in the fridge had been forgotten entirely.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Natalie piped up, "I want to say something but I just wanted to first say that I'm not trying to compare you to my wife in this story. I just thought it was similar but if you don't want to hear it-"

"I want to hear it," Renee told her to her surprise.

"Well when I was at her apartment sharing those dinosaur nuggets," she began, "I think it made the date better. Because it was silly but it made us laugh and gave us something to talk about. And now I look back at that and I think, it turned out for the better those moments. When I gave her that knitting kit or when she had those dinosaur nuggets."

Renee nodded silently. She looked back down at those nuggets and back at the corkboard in the kitchen. To the photos that decorated them and the possibilities that Renee could have lived through.

Thinking of that she said to Natalie, "I think it will turn out for the better."

-

Renee was glad that Natalie had accepted her request to go to her apartment.

It was reaching that point at night where Renee was starting to get tired. Still, she didn't want to stay in her alternate self's apartment. Didn't want those memories of when she simply lived through the motions, searching for some mythical purpose or answer that would finally satisfy her.

She felt partially guilty, if she slept now, she might have more time to rest and gain back the strength needed to summon a portal. Yet again, the thought of that dark empty apartment kept her away. She'd rather be with Natalie, even if this woman wasn't her wife and didn't know a thing about her.

Natalie's apartment was just as she remembered it. Her new designs for equipment had always been partially strewn across the tables and countertops of the home. At first glance it looked messy, however, over time and with each visit, Renee had learnt that there was a certain rhythm to the mess.

There was only one photo frame in the apartment, one of her and her father when she was younger. Renee remembered the time when Natalie had told her that she wished that she had more photos of her father and her. They had kept that in mind when the two of them had gotten their own apartment and had filled it with photos.

"I'm sorry that it's a bit of a mess," Natalie apologised and set some of her stuff down on one of her tables. Renee knew that it wasn't a mess at all but that it commonly appeared to others as such. It was merely something that Natalie felt obliged to say whenever she invited people over.

Natalie led her over to the couch to sit while she ducked back into the kitchen. "Is there something you want to drink?" she called. "I've got hot chocolate, coffee, tea…"

"Coffee is fine," Renee answered.

"How do you like it?"

Renee was briefly thrown off by that, the late night swaying her thoughts. But of course, she wouldn't know Renee's preferences. "Just black thanks," she told the blonde.

"Of course you would," Natalie laughed brightly from the kitchen. Renee knew that she would be making a hot chocolate for herself.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

She heard Natalie fumble with a cup in the kitchen for a moment. "Nothing, it's just-" she began but Renee quickly cut her off.

"I was only teasing," Renee assured her. "I'm planning on staying up late tonight."

"O-Oh you are?" Natalie wondered aloud.

Renee didn't think into that too far. She leaned forward on the couch instead to read over some of Natalie's designs. A few hasty sentences were scribbled into the margins like 'include traps?' or 'gas collision problems?'

That was a faint surprise since, in her reality, Natalie was currently trying to prevent her interception pylon from destroying Caustic's gas grenade. Perhaps in this reality, she wasn't paired with him as often.

A few moments later, Natalie came into the living room carrying to mugs. Gently she set one down in front of Renee and herself, shuffling some of the design papers on the table further away from them.

"One hot coffee coming right up," Natalie declared and then added nervously, "I left a marshmallow on the mug plate but it might be too childish for you. Just ignore it if you don't like it."

Renee laughed lightly, remembering that Natalie and her had planned to have dinosaur nuggets tonight as a celebration for the first game of the season. "It's perfect Nat," she said with a smile and plopped it in her mouth before taking a sip of coffee.

Natalie let out a relieved sigh and took a sip of her hot chocolate which had several bobbing marshmallows in it. "I said it before but tonight was really fun," she said. "I'm so used to seeing you in games and well…You seem so intense but out with everyone tonight you seemed much more relaxed."

"The games sometimes bring that out of people," Renee lied.

She didn't want to admit the more likely possibility that her alternate self had yet to mellow out a bit. She remembered when she would snap at her teammates for arguing against her in games, how she would put everything she could muster on each game because she had nothing else then. 

"I understand," Natalie admitted, "sometimes I tend to be a bit…Dramatic during the games without noticing it. Mirage is like that too no? I didn't realise it until tonight but he's  _ so  _ different outside of the games. I think the only person who acts the same in and out of games is Pathfinder or maybe Revenant."

Renee laughed at that, "I was surprised as well."

"By Elliott?" Natalie asked with a raised eyebrow. "I thought that you two were close outside of games."

That wasn't the case in her reality, tonight was the first time that she had spoken to him outside of games.

Still, Renee covered quickly, "he always manages to find some way to surprise me."

"That must be nice."

"Nice?" 

Natalie nodded and took another sip from her mug, "it sounds very romantic."

Renee's eyes shot wide open and she shouted, "romantic?" 

"Octane told me that you and Elliott were…" Natalie trailed off.

"No," she said and then repeated louder, "no! Definitely not."

Or at least she hoped not for her alternate self in this reality. Was that a possibility? She hadn't picked that up from Elliott from when she'd seen him at dinner but…

"But…" Natalie trailed off. "Oh no, Octavio was messing with me again wasn't he! Ugh, I cannot believe that I keep falling for everything he says!"

Renee held back a small laugh, she didn't want to make Natalie feel any more embarrassed. It made her remember of their first date that had started over her misinterpretation of one of Octane's jokes about knitting needles.

"You thought I was dating Mirage?" She asked lightly.

Natalie groaned into her mug, "oh please, just go back to acting how you do in games."

"Like?"

"This is too embarrassing just put me out of my misery," Natalie begged.

Renee laughed, "but that would ruin the night."

"I didn't mean to make you feel awkward," she sighed, "this happens every time I try to join in on gossip."

She was blushing in that way that made Renee want to move closer to her. She was used to being able to hold her wife and cup her face, holding onto that blush while Natalie would sputter about how cliché Renee was being. She missed being able to kiss her cheeks so that she could keep that blush on her face.

It was a sweet sight to see again. Yet with it came a feeling of hollowness because while this was Natalie, she wasn't her wife. She didn't have the history between them that had made their relationship.

"You didn't make feel awkward," she said with a smile, "you've given me a marshmallow and coffee, I'd take a bullet for you at this point."

The blonde engineer laughed, setting down her mug onto the table. "Well, I guess that I'm glad that you're not dating Mirage after all," she hummed. "And I'm glad that I invited you over."

Renee was about to say something else but she felt Natalie's hand on her shoulder. She realised what was going to happen too late.

Natalie leaned forward and a second later she was kissing Renee.

Renee was stuck in her place not moving, she could feel Natalie's lips on her, warm and sweet from her drink and her hand on her shoulder pressing lightly down.

It was over almost as soon it as begun.

Renee was staring at her and an awful expression was beginning to dawn on Natalie's face.

"Why-" She broke off.

"I thought-" Natalie said at the same time.

They both stopped to stare at each other.

"I thought that you wanted…" She continued before she trailed off.

_ I'm planning on staying up late tonight,  _ Renee remembered what she told her earlier and wanted to smack her forehead.

She winced and reached out a hand, "Natalie I didn't mean to…"

"No it's fine," she waved a hand in the air, "It's just like with Octavio's jokes, I always pick up on the wrong signals from people."

"It's not that-"

"Maybe you should leave," Natalie murmured and began to pick up the mugs.

Renee stared listlessly while the other legend stood up with the mugs and began to head to the apartment door.

_ Say something, say something, say something,  _ was all Renee could think to herself while she watched Natalie walk away. Now was the chance to admit that she wasn't the person she knew. She didn't want her to feel this way ever, wanted to comfort her and explain everything. 

But Renee only watched as Natalie shifted the handle of the mugs into one of her hands while she opened the apartment door.

When she remained still on the couch Natalie let out a shaky exhale and pleaded, "please just leave."

"You-"

"I don't want to make any more of a fool of myself tonight," Natalie said quietly. "I just really want to be alone please."

She had promised her that they wouldn't be alone. Neither of them. 

Renee had made that promise when she had made her dinner. When they had fallen asleep watching movies. In the games when she would watch her back, certain that she would know if anyone would try to hurt her Natalie. She had cemented that promise when Natalie had slipped that ring on her finger and she'd told her 'yes.'

"Ok," She said ever so quietly. 

And so Renee she broke that promise when she walked out of Natalie's apartment without another word and left them both alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Crawls out after not updating for weeks* Hi kids want to see Renee make her girlfriend cry not once, but twice?
> 
> Seriously I keep getting distracted by starting other fics. But I swear that I will try to finish this by the end of the month? Maybe?
> 
> Also Married!Renee hearing about regular!Renee is like hearing about your embarrassing phase you had when you were thirteen


	5. Chapter Five

Renee took the first possible opportunity to get away from Natalie's apartment.   
  
When she moved her feet they were sluggish but desperate to go somewhere, anywhere.   
  
_Coward. Coward. Coward._  
  
Natalie had tried to kiss her. Something that normally would have slid a soft smile on her face. But this wasn't her Natalie. This was a woman who had lived her life without her. Who she didn't know. Until now, she hadn't spent a night on the couch with her. She had never felt those soft hands seal over her own in a way that convinced her that all would be alright.   
  
Yet, Renee still felt responsible and she knew why.   
  
A few years ago it wouldn't have been the same. Back then, she would have blocked out that feeling with whatever noise she could find. Whether it was the voices that trailed her everywhere she went or if it was the rattling sound of gunfire. That changed on the day that Natalie came to her doorstep with a knitting kit.   
  
But she wouldn't go back to Natalie now.   
  
She felt like she'd been shocked by one of her fences. That electricity soaring through her veins, ordering her to get to her feet, to move. All the while, that same electricity would soak a numbness into her that dulled every precious movement that she made.   
  
That feeling took her to the closest elevator that she could find.   
  
Renee hit both buttons for the elevator, whether she went up or down she didn't care, whatever option would take her away quickest. And fuck she hated how she reverted to this way when she would get angry. When she didn't have Natalie to talk to.   
  
That cold anger of hers always had a way of turning in to lack of care. Back then she hadn't even realised how it had invaded her every movement like a hoard of locusts. How that anger prevailed in the broken furniture of her home that she never replaced, the empty fridge and the odd smell in her apartment that she had only tried to fix by opening the window. It was hate without direction. That told her she was weak and frivolous if she tried to fix those things.   
  
It was so much easier to be angry and uncaring than happy.   
  
_Coward._   
  
Why the hell wasn't the elevator here yet?   
  
She slammed her hand against the buttons a few more times until she finally realised that buttons were failing to light up with their signature white glow.   
  
"You know that's broken right?" Asked one of the last people she wanted to see right now.   
  
Renee turned towards Mirage and Pathfinder who had just reached the floor by climbing the stairs, however, it didn't look like Mirage had done any walking. Pathfinder looked like he was piggybacking him, however, his posture wasn't quite right which made the trickster on him look more like a backpack.   
  
Pathfinder gave a wave with his full body which made Mirage have to scramble to keep his arms around Pathfinder's neck and his legs around the flat steel surface that made Pathfinder's mid-section.   
  
"Good evening Wraith!" Pathfinder called with a loud enough cheer that Renee knew everyone on the floor would hear. "Mirage and I have just been on an exciting adventure with Lifeline filled with bonding! How has your night been?"   
  
Mirage just groaned at the MRVN's volume and knocked the top of his blue head like a door. "She's having a shitty night can't you tell?" He groaned.   
  
"I'm not," she snapped. She didn't want her emotions read by Mirage like a book.   
  
"Fine by me, " he sighed and lifted his hands in the air. A second later he realised that was a bad idea when he almost slipped entirely off of Pathfinder.   
  
While he grabbed aimlessly at the air to find purchase on Pathfinder's neck again Renee pressed one of the elevator buttons again. Once again, no light appeared, which only confirmed that it was truly broken.   
  
Pathfinder didn't seem to mind the fact that Mirage was about to fall off of him because he continued walking until he reached Renee and took a step around her to head up the staircase. She was content that she wouldn't have to talk to them anymore until she felt a tap of her shoulder.   
  
She looked behind her and saw that Pathfinder and Mirage had paused on the first step of the staircase and were both looking at her. "Can you come look after us?" Mirage asked with a pout.   
  
"What?" She said baffled.   
  
"We're both kind of drunk," he explained. "Just make sure that we don't accidentally trip and fall off of the roof."   
  
She couldn't even understand the concept of Pathfinder being drunk. Still, her nose crinkled up when she told them, "I'm not your babysitter and I'm not playing nurse all night."   
  
"C'mon you know I'm just joking," he prodded her with that finger again. "Rooftop time with just the three of us! We haven't met up there together in weeks now."   
  
"Our relationship system works optimally when it is consistent," Pathfinder piped up. "The average time between rooftop meetings is two-point-one weeks and it has been three-point-three weeks since we have organised a rooftop meeting. Continuing to exceed our average time between rooftop meetings will cause our relationship to become less functional."   
  
Renee only absorbed about thirty percent of what Pathfinder had said. Meanwhile, Mirage nodded drunkenly with a smile like he had heard the words of a prophet. "See Path agrees too," he told her while continuing to prod her.   
  
She didn't want to join them. It was the last thing that she needed or even wanted at this point.   
  
Still, the only other thing that beckoned her was her old empty apartment. The whole thing was filled with reminders of that uncaring anger that used to roll through her like a constant wave.   
  
"Fine," she eventually agreed. Even though the single word was soaked in irritation the two didn't seem to mind as they let out a loud whoop and started heading up the stairs.   
  
Renee gave one last glance down the hallway, looking for a sign of…Anything from Natalie's apartment. When she heard Mirage whistle at her to keep up from a few more steps above her, she eventually began to walk behind them.   
  
At least the rooftop was close to Natalie's floor, Renee's legs began to soon shake. There was an exhaustion that crawled through every inch of her body that had become a throbbing reminder of every mistake she had made today.   
  
Still, she didn't complain and followed the two to the rooftop, a rooftop that she wasn't even aware that existed. Mirage kept talking all the way up the stairs even though every few seconds he had to stop and readjust his legs around Pathfinder to stay clinging onto him.   
  
The air on the rooftop was cold and calming, there was too much pollution in World's Edge to properly see the stars but she could still faintly see a few. After a few steps across the rooftop, Mirage slid down Pathfinder's back and legs with a groan until he sat on the ground.   
  
Pathfinder sat down opposite of him, he looked odd sitting down when considering how long his legs were but he still managed it. She'd rather stay leaning against the entrance but Mirage and Pathfinder gazed at her expectantly until she sat down next to them, forming an odd triangle.   
  
Mirage was rubbing his eyes, "uh, it's way brighter out here than I thought it would be."   
  
Renee frowned, it was hardly bright at all out here. "Wouldn't you rather go to lay down somewhere?" She asked him. If he threw up she definitely didn't want to have to carry him back downstairs.   
  
"Mmm you're so wise Wraith," he mumbled and then stretched his legs out and laid down.   
  
"That's not what I meant," she told him.   
  
"Uh-huh," he agreed but didn't make to move or say anything else.   
  
Instead, Renee looked over to Pathfinder who had placed his hands in his lap and was gazing at her. He looked a few seconds away from raising his hand like he was in a classroom to ask for permission to talk.   
  
When she sighed, her warm breath was visible in the air. "How was your night?" She asked the MRVN.   
  
"It was very exciting!" He exclaimed loud enough that she was tempted to cover her ears. "Mirage showed me to obtain cheaper drinks by flirting at the bar and Lifeline showed me her favourite dance moves."   
  
She raised an eyebrow, "huh and did you drink any of those drinks buddy?"   
  
"Haha," Pathfinder said and a laughing face appeared on his screen, "that is very silly Wraith. I cannot drink."   
  
"You just seem a bit…" She trailed off and made a vague motion in the air.   
  
His screen glitched for a second and then a face appeared with a finger over its mouth like it was telling a secret. "I have the ability to disable and modify my systems in certain ways," he told her, "this way I can create similar conditions to that of an intoxicated human!"   
  
"Path's super-duper smart," Mirage called out while still lying down.   
  
She sighed and rolled her eyes up to look at the stars, "great job Pathfinder."   
  
For a second, Renee had the luxury of the silent night. Ever since she'd run through that portal it had felt like she hadn't been able to breathe. Perhaps now she might have that opportunity-   
  
That thought was interrupted when she heard a mix of shuffling and rolling from Mirage. His movements were awkward to look at but eventually, he was close enough that his head was leaning against her knee.   
  
"You're sad," was all he said.   
  
"Thank you for the observation," she said and didn't make an attempt to stop grinding her teeth.   
  
He hummed and patted a hand on her knee in a 'there-there' motion. "Yeah but right now you're…" He trailed off for a few moments and she wondered if he would continue. "I don't know you're super sad. Like super duper sad the way that Path's super-duper smart."   
  
"If you would like Wraith," Pathfinder said, "I could download all articles from Wikihow-dot-com about how to comfort someone."   
  
"I don't want comforting," Renee said. She refrained from saying 'from you.'   
  
She wasn't looking at Mirage but she could tell that he had a smile on his face. "Don't worry about it Path," Mirage said mischievously, "just wait until the next game and Wraith's going to go back her favourite comfort activity."   
  
"Oh, that's good!" Pathfinder exclaimed but then paused. "What is that activity?"   
  
She finally glanced over at him to spot a grin on his face. He looked at her like he was expecting her to join in on an inside joke.   
  
When she didn't say anything, he pushed himself up on his elbows while keeping that grin on his face. When he spoke he did so with a deeper and more serious tone, "I'm Renee. I hate it when people ask about my life and make puns unless they're the literal incarnation of sunshine. Ooh la la, I'm going to spend the whole game in a sniper's nest so I can pine and yearn."   
  
She hated how the meaning of the inside joke was starting to dawn on her. Still, she was muddling over the fact that Mirage had chosen to use a deep voice to imitate her instead of a higher-pitched one.   
  
While she was deciding which one was worse, Pathfinder clapped his hands together. "Oh, I get it! Can I do an impression too?" He asked and then didn't wait for an answer. "My name is Wraith and I have romantic feelings for Wattson."   
  
No one could stop Renee from facepalming with a groan when she heard that.   
  
"It's a little on the nose," Mirage said with a shrug. "You're the judge Wraith, what do you reckon?"   
  
"I think I should've just gone back to the apartment," she grumbled.   
  
Mirage just laughed at that, "aw c'mon we're not that bad company. Besides you can vent to us or we can go back to figuring out how Pathfinder manages to win every game of rock paper scissors."   
  
"It's simple mathematics," Pathfinder answered.   
  
In the middle of a yawn, Mirage protested, "it's literally a game of luck. So, how do you win every damn time?"   
  
"Simple mathematics," he repeated like it was obvious.   
  
"Do you still have any drinks on you?" She interrupted them.   
  
Mirage just blinked, "uh no why?"   
  
At this point, she had a dozen reasons why she should just keep quiet.   
  
She ignored them all when she admitted, "Natalie kissed me-"   
  
"Finally!" Mirage laughed and gave a whoop.   
  
"And then I ran out of her apartment and tried to get into a broken elevator," she finished.   
  
Elliott just made a choking sound and motion wildly. "Wait what, why would you do that?" He almost shouted. "T-That's…That's a yikes from me Wraith. I mean if it was me-"   
  
"Mirage," she breathed out, "I really don’t want a lecture or a monologue right now."   
  
"Well too bad because you're going to get one right now!" He told her. "What? I mean seriously what? If somebody I was head over heels for tried to kiss me then I'd take it and run with it."   
  
Pathfinder lifted a hand in the air before he said, "that's because Mirage is doing what's known as projecting onto you Wraith."   
  
The trickster couldn't reach over to swat at him so he settled for nudging his boot at his steel leg. "W-What? Why are you talking about me right now when we're meant to be talking about Wraith?" He fumbled.   
  
"Who do you have a crush on?" She asked. Although, if the gossip from her reality proved true then she may have already known the answer.   
  
"Oh! Oh! I can do an impression of Mirage!" Pathfinder was shouting and clapping his hands together. "My name is Mirage and I-"   
  
"W-Wait, don't you dare!" Mirage shouted and tossed one of his boots at Pathfinder's console.   
  
Pathfinder stopped, he didn't necessarily seem troubled by the boot that had hit his screen. Rather, the MRVN seemed more disappointed that he wasn't able to show off his acting skills.   
  
Renee couldn't deny that being with these two was uncomfortable. Not because of who they were, in her reality she had been in their teams several times but had never had much interaction with them outside of that. It was a different discomfort from seeing Natalie because she didn't know Renee, didn't expect anything from her.   
  
But these two, on the other hand, were different. There were expectations now, inside jokes that were created through an odd friendship that came to be in a way that Renee couldn't fathom.   
  
Tonight had gone on too long.   
  
It was time to shake away that dead skin she was wearing. With that in mind, she asked plainly, "what would you think if I told you that I was from an alternate reality and that you hadn't met me until today?"   
  
That made Mirage almost slip on his elbows and he fumbled while Pathfinder lifted a hand to his voice box in a dainty way as if he was covering a gasp.   
  
Mirage coughed for a second before he asked, "uh, what?"   
  
"Well, got an answer?"   
  
"Yeah that was my answer," he said and the pitch of his tone was getting higher by the second, "it's 'what the fuck'?"   
  
The longer he stared at her, the quicker it dawned on her that she had a mistake.   
  
Fuck.   
  
She never should have said what. What was the point in telling either of them? She didn't want pity, she didn't want to talk to them, she just…She needed to go home. And that made her feel childish because that was a whining want that she couldn't have right now. She shouldn't have gone out with them all for dinner, she should have just slept in her apartment until she had the power to open a portal.   
  
Her legs felt like concrete when she tried to rise. "I should leave," was all she offered them.   
  
When she tried to move, she felt a hand tug at the long fabric of her patchwork scarf. "Wait, hold on a second," Mirage said quickly, "you can't just leave after dropping that bombshell on us!"   
  
"There's no point in staying around," she said quietly and tugged the length of her scarf out of his hand.   
  
She was about to take another step when she felt a sudden weight wrap around her right leg. When she looked down, she saw that Mirage had his arms wrapped around her leg and was sitting firmly on the ground. Indignantly, she tried to lift a leg to take a step forward and quickly realised that it was futile.   
  
"No way you're staying right here," he argued. "And what do you mean 'no point'. Did you not think 'uh gee maybe my friend wants to know about this' because this thing is fucking freaky!"   
  
"Let go of my leg."   
  
He shook his head, Renee knew that he was certainly drunk but the news had seemed to instantly sober him to some point of energy. "Path, come over here and grab her other leg," he called to the robot.   
  
She lifted her free leg up and prodded at his hands with her boot, maybe she could just weaken his grip a little bit. Pathfinder seemed quicker than she remembered because her foot barely tapped at Mirage's wrist before she felt a cold robotic hand on her ankle that firmly planted her on the ground.   
  
Mirage just gave Pathfinder a thumbs up before he looked back up at her, "wait when did this happen? Is this why you barely spoke during dinner at Old Ark's?"   
  
She hesitated, debating whether to keep trying to remove her legs. In the end, she answered with a sigh, "happened at the end of last game, I took a portal and ended up here."   
  
"Well fuck why haven't you gone back?"   
  
"If I could go back I already would have done it," she explained, feeling the words awkwardly roll out of her mouth. "I don't have the energy to make another portal yet and…I might not be able to go back."   
  
"At all?" Elliott shouted loud enough that she cringed at the sound. "What! How are you not more freaked out right now? Isn't this fucking tef-terrir-scary?"   
  
She tried to tug out her leg from his grip but realised it was pointless. He was still rambling when she snapped at him, "I am fucking scared! I'm terrified, I don't know what the fuck I'm meant to be doing and now I'm venting to you of all people."   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"   
  
"That this is the longest I've ever spoken to you."   
  
His went wide and his voice sounded like it was about to crack when he said, "wait, we're not friends?"   
  
She choked down a cruel response, something that she might have said when she first joined the games. Instead, she murmured, "I should have just stayed with Natalie."   
  
"Natalie?" He repeated the electric engineer's first name and blinked at Renee. "Wait are you-"   
  
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," she sighed into her palm, "you're probably too drunk to even remember this in the morning."   
  
Mirage opened his mouth like he was about to argue against that but he was interrupted by Pathfinder. "What is a topic of conversation that would you like to talk about?" Pathfinder asked in a very chipper voice. "According to Wikihow, a sense of control is very important in feeling confident."   
  
"Nice job," Mirage appraised, "told you he was super smart."   
  
Renee just shut her eyes. Obviously, they weren't going to let her go so easily. This never would have even happened if he just explained everything to Natalie in the first place. Fuck, instead of her, she'd told these two who she hardly knew. She didn't want to pick at small talk right now. She wanted-   
  
"I want to sit down," she admitted. "I'm tired."   
  
The both of them looked at each other for a moment before they both looked up her.   
  
Mirage tilted his head, "uh, but if we let go of you then how do we know that you're not just going to run off?"   
  
"Because I'm tired and I don't want to walk down that entire stairwell right now," she told him.   
  
"Hmm," he hummed like he didn't believe her and then said seriously, "you have to pinkie promise me."   
  
She rolled her eyes but held out her hand, whatever let her sit down as soon as possible. Mirage looked like he was about to reach out his hand but immediately pulled back after just a moment.   
  
"Wait how do I know that you're not just doing this so that I'll just drop my hand?"   
  
"Mirage just let me sit the fuck down," she said and let the exhaustion seep into her voice.   
  
Pathfinder and Mirage looked back at each other again and Renee was really starting to get tired of these drunken and silent conversations between the two of them. She was about to snap at them again but at the same time, they released their hold around her calves.   
  
They looked ready to grab her by the ankles if she tried to leave but she simply sighed and sat down on the roof, letting her chin rest on her palm.   
  
Her eyes glanced at Mirage, only because the silence between the three of them seemed deafening. When she glanced at him, he adjusted his movements like that look she gave him was an inside clue for him to speak up. "Okay, okay, okay," he mumbled to himself before he spoke up. "I get that you sort of don’t like us but what can we do to help?"   
  
"This isn’t really your expertise," she said.   
  
"Sure but you're - well Wraith's still our friend and we don't want her stuck in some freaky alternate reality," he said slowly, "I mean considering her luck I bet it's all weird and you're probably ruled by cat overlords or something."   
  
Pathfinder nodded wisely, "that would be bad. Wraith is allergic to cats."   
  
"That's why you think it would be bad?" Mirage exclaimed and buried his face into his hands where he continued to trail off into stories of cat dictators or something equally incomprehensible.   
  
Renee dashed that faint smile that wanted to make its way onto her face. Instead, she said, "it's not like it's hopeless, I do have a plan."   
  
Mirage's eyes peeked out from beneath his hands. "You do?" He asked. "Probably would have been better if you started with that."   
  
She had tried to but she didn't see a point in mentioning that now. "I can't hear…" She began before she trailed off and eyed both of them.   
  
"The voices?" Mirage ended for her.   
  
Renee adjusted her position and tucked her legs beneath her. "So you know about that," she murmured.   
  
"I mean," Mirage said helplessly, "I think everyone does, you're sort of dramatic sometimes."   
  
"Are you sure you're not thinking about yourself?"   
  
Mirage only laughed, "well in this reality you are and you two look the same. So what's the difference?"   
  
Where could she start? Maybe the fact that she knitted. That she bought clothes for fun now instead of for practicality. That she was still working on it but found it easier to talk to the new legends. That she preferred to fight beside Caustic and Natalie now. In fact, she preferred to do anything with Natalie. Waking up with her, listening to her sing off-key, the funny movies she watched and how she laughed endearingly when Renee had tried to learn to speak French.   
  
She swallowed and replied, "it's mostly the same."   
  
"Huh," he considered for a moment. At least, he didn't ponder on that thought for too long because it was beginning to make her uncomfortable. "Well, what's your great plan then?"   
  
"I'll try to reach out and talk to her when I get back my strength," she told him, "then I'll open the portal the same way as we did before and leave."   
  
He was silent for a moment before he asked, "and that'll work?"   
  
"I have to believe that it will."   
  
"Well, that's real assuring thanks."   
  
Pathfinder took the moment to helpfully add, "that was sarcasm!"   
  
"She knows Pathfinder," Mirage huffed with a laugh before he laid back down.   
  
It was cold when she breathed hot air into her cupped hands and saw it become visible before her. It was merely a coincidence that it masked the smile on her face. For now, she could stand to say out for a bit longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renee has two boots and their names are Pathfinder and Mirage. I love these dumbasses so much and I know that in the lore Mirage doesn't like Path that much but I just want them to be friends so bad.
> 
> Also this work now has over a 1000 hits which is insane to me. So thank you so much for everyone who reads this!


	6. Chapter Six

Renee spent the night in Natalie's bed.   
  
Not with her of course. Although that was the first thing that came to mind when Natalie had made the offer, then she had immediately added that she would spend the night on the couch. Renee had tried to argue that she deserved to spend the night on the couch instead, she didn't want to kick someone out of their bed after all.   
  
However, it turned out that Natalie was awfully convincing. Convincing meaning that she dragged out a blanket and swaddled herself on the couch and refuse to budge. Renee was stubborn enough to try to sleep on the floor but Natalie threatened to pull out a mop and push her back into the bedroom with it.   
  
Perhaps Renee should have argued more. After all, she normally would have never let someone push her around like that. But she did and as much as she tried to explain to herself that it was because she was exhausted and ready to be alone, she knew that it was because it was Natalie asking.   
  
She was thankful for the silence at least. For having a moment to breathe.   
  
She wasn't thankful for spending a night in that room. Even in the dark, she could pick up on all the details of the well-loved bedroom. Even in her exhaustion, she must have the spent at least an hour mouthing the titles on the bookshelf, most of them were French or thicker bound books, no doubt for the engineer sleeping on the couch outside the door. She almost slept on top of the covers, like she was afraid of disgracing their tidy bed covers and electric blanket underneath.   
  
Renee was accustomed to hearing the voices when confronted with something out of place. She was used to seeing an open loot bin or the wafting smell of Caustic's gas before her voices began to warn her. It was not like that here. There were no warnings alongside the sugar and vanilla smell that permeated the air. No shout to force her to run from the lack of curtains that let in the moonlight.   
  
And at one point in the night, she almost wished that Natalie was here.   
  
By herself, the bed was too large. The other side of the bed was a long stretch of emptiness and pale sheets, in that space, it was easy to imagine what Natalie would look like with her hair spilling out along the pillow. And it was even easier to imagine Renee wrapping an arm around her waist.   
  
Rest didn't come easy after that.   
  
Eventually, she managed to swaddle herself in the warm blankets and soft pillows of the bed. The atmosphere of the room, despite the discomfort it was tainted with, remained warm with tranquillity. Maybe that was why it hurt even worse waking up in the morning to a frozen world.   
  
There was something grating in her ears. Something that was impossible to mistake for a voice. Voices didn't crack in this awful monotonous way that made her skin feel like it didn't belong to her.   
  
She choked on her breaths, trying to reach the covers but her arms felt paralysed in their place. She tried to turn onto her side, to curl into the feeling but instead she felt a cutting spasm in her leg. The grating sound was only getting louder, a waterfall of awful broken sounds.   
  
Everything around her was soaked in the void. Every brush against her skin felt too loud, too wrong. Those sounds weren't stopping either, only getting louder, worse. More impatient and desperate to crawl from her head and sink over every nerve in her body.   
  
And fuck it hurt. Like ripping stitches out and barbwire under the skin while she shook on the bed. She just wanted quiet. Needed the shouting and orders and urgency to stop so she could breathe for once. Her hand lurched out to reach the empty space of the bed and gripped it roughly, her veins under her skin blurred in the void.   
  
There was something else in the dark. Something placing a hand on her back, accompanied by a softer sound that triumphed against the roaring in her head.   
  
"Renee?"   
  
She almost sobbed when the soothing hand on her back left. She felt it again a second later on her shoulder joined by another one underneath her. She barely registered the movement until after she was no longer laying on her stomach.   
  
Air came easier afterwards, her lungs filling back up as if they had been crumpled like a paper bag. The hands on her were gone but she could feel a bit of that same warm bliss resting next to her even if she couldn't see it. Her hand scampered to that warm feeling but she felt a gentle weight grasp her wrist and set it back down onto the bed.   
  
"Slow down, focus on breathing," the voice was quiet but Renee latched onto it. "Can you hear me?"   
  
She choked on the breaths as she tried to draw them back into her chest. It was still dark and it took her a while to realise that the blinds had been shut to keep the early light out. Finding her breath again took longer than her patience could stand but all the while that warmth stayed next to her.   
  
The monochrome fled from her eyes all at once. Colour returned a few moments later and Renee had to shut her eyes to prepare herself from the onslaught of colours and decorations of the room. The crawling feeling along her skin began to fade, replaced with the dull and uncomfortable feeling of sweat beading around her neck and forehead.   
  
When she opened her eyes again they were half-lidded. The first bit of light that she took in was Natalie. The colour of her hair slowly began to feel less of a discomfort as each second passed by and her senses began to cool.   
  
"Water?"   
  
Her throat was still scratchy in pain and she winced at the discomfort. She resorted to making a noise of discomfort instead.   
  
"It'll make you feel better," Natalie assured her, "I promise."   
  
She was ready to deny her again but the engineer lifted the glass up like she would only accept one answer. Renee pushed herself up slowly by her elbows, ignoring the help that Natalie offered her and took the glass from her hand, trying not to shake while she did.   
  
"Can I stay with you?" Natalie asked her. "Do you want me to give you some time?"   
  
Rene coughed into her hand and leaned back onto the headboard, "I'm alright now, I don't need any more time."   
  
"Renee you were screaming."   
  
Instinctively, her hand reached for her own throat, "it's alright…I think it's a good sign."   
  
"I don't," Natalie told her, "I've seen you- I'm sorry, I meant my wife. I've seen this happen to her before, I should have woken up earlier to check that you were alright."   
  
"It's not like it's your fault," she sighed, "at least I recovered a lot in the night, it was just overwhelming when I woke up."   
  
The voices had calmed at least, less urgent now, less fighting over each other. That didn't mean they were gone completely, there were unintelligible murmurings in the back of her mind but it wasn't anything that she couldn't force away from it. Natalie's attention was more important for now.   
  
"It's back," Renee murmured and eyed the other woman. "I know I can do it now."   
  
She could feel it like a coat around her, a discomfort of not belonging here that went beyond physical. Her fingers wanted to pry into the void and break through, break out.   
  
Natalie almost rested a hand on her shoulder but paused and set in beside her on the bed. "I don't think you should," she warned, "we can't rush something like this, there's too much to consider, too many things that can go wrong."   
  
"I can hear again," Renee said quietly, "I can make another portal. I just have to find her-"   
  
"You don't even know if you can find her!" She exclaimed and took the cup from her hand and headed out the door.   
  
"Where are you going?"   
  
She turned around as she kept walking, "I'm getting you more water and don't you dare try anything in the five seconds that I'll be gone."   
  
Renee huffed and swung her legs out of the bed a moment later, they weren't shaking anymore but her steps still felt uneven on the ground as she headed out of the bedroom. Natalie gave her a frown when she set down on the lounge but she didn't scold her when she handed her another glass that she happily downed.   
  
The water was cold, a bitter reminder of the void but she was glad for the respite it gave her to think. She folded her arms together and shut her eyes for a moment, trying to wait for a thread of a voice to try to tug at.   
  
"What are you doing?" Natalie asked.   
  
"Nothing."   
  
The blonde just laughed, "I know that look and I know even better when you're lying."   
  
She opened her eyes and took another sip before she answered, "I was trying to see if I could her, your version of me."   
  
"You could not?"   
  
She gnawed the inside of her mouth before she told her, "it's not exactly like I normally wait for specific voices. That's not how it works."   
  
"But she could do it," Natalie protested, "or she learned to. Together with me since a few months ago."   
  
"She hasn't reached out to me," she said weakly. "I can't focus."   
  
"Which is why you should wait," she told her.   
  
No, Renee couldn't wait now. Not when what she wanted was on her fingertips and she could burn a path through the void. 

"How'd she do it?" she didn't hesitate to ask.   
  
Natalie's shook her head, "I can help you learn later but we must not rush this. She and I made notes and I'm sure I still have them and we can talk with Doctor Caustic-"   
  
"If you can't help me then I'll do it myself."   
  
Natalie's stare sunk onto her skin, that uncomfortable feeling from before searching for a place back onto her skin. Renee wanted to turn her attention desperately back on the coffee table with those coasters that were scribbled with notes made by markers.   
  
The other legend's rested in her lap and she took a long breath before she spoke. "I don’t understand how you became like this," she admitted, disappointed but entirely expectant.   
  
"Not every version of me had-"   
  
And Renee had to stop herself.   
  
"I'm sorry I'm not helping at all," she groaned. "I want to help you but I also need to know that I'm not endangering you."   
  
_Not everyone version of me had you._  
  
Renee broke the tension first, reaching away to pick up the glass and take another sip. "How did she develop her abilities?" She murmured the question.   
  
"The games," Natalie offered, "and then a lot of meditation."   
  
"Then you can guide me right?"   
  
She laughed nervously, "meditation isn't normally something you can take a cram course on."   
  
"Not normally," she agreed, "but this isn't exactly normal circumstances."   
  
At least, Natalie laughed at that and Renee couldn't help the smile that spread on her face in response. "Maybe we could try something small," Natalie suggested. "I'm not sure if now's a good time after what just happened."   
  
"It'll be better to deal with it now," she assured her. "I don't belong here, they all know that and they're just rushing to warn me. The longer this goes on, the worse it will get."   
  
Her eyes widened, "they're still speaking to you?"   
  
"It's less now," she was quick to tell her, "if I focus on listening again…It might get worse."   
  
Natalie gave her a weak smile, "and I won't be able to convince you otherwise?"   
  
"I doubt it."   
  
"Alright, alright, give me a moment," she said and adjusted herself on the couch to directly face Renee. "I think it's a good idea to start with focusing on your reality as if you're retracing your steps."   
  
Renee nodded, it wasn't much to use but the void never seemed stagnant enough for her to ever understand anything from it. For her, listening began with the eyes, the dead-like paleness of them glazing over. Then there was sound. There was no breath on her ear, no hum of sound throughout the air, it was voices without direction and even more, it was something that she was sure she would never get used to.   
  
A second after the torrent of sound hit her there was a hand on her shoulder drawing her back. Renee reached for it instantly and her hand twitched when Natalie's hand pulled back.   
  
"I'm sorry," Natalie immediately apologised and Renee almost wanted to ask why. "I didn't ask how you reacted to touch."   
  
"It's fine," she murmured before she flinched at how insufficient that was. "It's good, keeps me focused."   
  
Natalie gave her a weak smile, "I know what my Renee looks like when she would spiral. This might be too soon-"   
  
"We've only tried this once," she interjected, "what do you think I was doing wrong?"   
  
"I…" She seemed caught between wanting to answer and refraining herself. "Do you think of it as listening?"   
  
Renee gave a small shrug. "They're voices, it makes sense that I'd listen to them," she said and added, "they've never been great for conversation."   
  
"I think you could change that," she said. "Listening is good but right now you're looking. It's not about opening your mind to every possibility, you're trying to find a specific version of yourself."   
  
A specific version. Renee wasn't sure how to pinpoint that, she could envision her own life but she only had traces of Natalie's wife on her mind. There were only bits and remnants of the life they might have lived from the layout of their home for her to pick up on.   
  
Difficult maybe, but not impossible.   
  
Renee gave herself a moment to take a deeper inhale before she turned to Natalie. "Alright," she decided, "let's do this."   
  
"Are you certain-"   
  
"Whatever happens," Renee told her, "it happens today."   
  
\-   
  
Waking up in Mirage's apartment was apparently an entire experience.   
  
In Renee's reality, she'd rarely ever go to one of his parties he would host unless she had Natalie to go with. They were all equally just as bright and noisy as the last and Renee often found herself retiring early on in the night. With that in mind, she had been hesitant to set off with Pathfinder and him to stick out the night in his apartment.   
  
At one point she had considered bolting and heading back to her apartment to wait out the rest of the night. However, the two had somehow managed to convince her with their mix of concern and the fact that she knew they would just stay in her apartment instead. At least Mirage's apartment had a stocked pantry unlike her own.

That was the first thing she realised when she woke up.   
  
The air seemed almost sticky with syrup and sugar, layered on top of that was sound. It was loud enough that it surprised her that she hadn't woken up earlier. He and Pathfinder were talking about something that she wasn't awake enough to comprehend over the sound of Mirage's music. Worse than that were the sounds of pots and pans as Mirage dug through his kitchen while the steam from his coffee machine was emitting a high-pitched scream.   
  
When she lifted her head off of the pillow she felt a rush of blood crawl through her limbs and with that, a feeling of something greater.   
  
It almost pulled in Renee in completely but by sheer force of habit and practice, she pulled away from the void. She knew that if she listened now, that she would hear those voices, it was a comfort but not one she wanted to indulge in now. That itching feeling hadn't left her skin, she knew that she was in the wrong place and it seemed that the void did too.   
  
But she wouldn't summon a portal until she had a plan. The last thing she wanted was to end up in a completely different reality again but even with that thought in her mind, her patience was running thin.   
  
"I think somebody's in need of pancakes," she heard Mirage call out from the kitchen when she sat up.   
  
Renee muttered something under her breath before she headed to the kitchen and found a seat on one of the stools near the island.   
  
"Sorry I didn't quite catch that," he said.   
  
"I was politely asking you to shut up," Renee told him and lifted a hand to start rubbing at her forehead.   
  
Mirage didn't lose his smile, "doesn't sound very polite to me. Aren't Path and I meant to be the hungover ones?"   
  
"Great suggestion, do that and go back to bed," she mumbled out and reached for one of the bowls of with only a tiny bit of batter left.   
  
"Hey don't eat that!" He snipped and Renee let him grab the bowl from her hand. "You're not filling up on batter when I'm making everyone actual pancakes."   
  
She sighed and rested her chin on her folded arms, "everyone? Does that include Path?"   
  
He opened his mouth but a moment later he paused and his brow furrowed. "Oh, uh Path can't eat," he reminded himself, "forgot about that."   
  
"That's okay friend!" Pathfinder shouted far too loudly beside him. Renee smiled a touch when she noticed that the MRVN unit was wearing one of Mirage's aprons that said 'kiss the cook' in bright gold font.   
  
Mirage's apartment was nice, she'd never seen the version of it in her reality since he always preferred to host parties at venues. Despite the ridiculous amounts of fan letters, trophies, medals and other paraphernalia decorating the walls that almost made Renee dizzy, there was still a sense of style to the place.   
  
"How did you forget that he can't eat?" She asked exasperated.   
  
"How did you forget to take a shower?" He asked in the same tone. "Seriously, it was the first thing I asked you do last night when we got here."   
  
Renee simply shrugged, "I don't have any spare clothes."   
  
He just sighed while he began to pour the pancake batter into a pan. "You could have borrowed some stuff that I have laying around," he told her.   
  
"No thanks," she muttered, I've seen how you dress."   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" He grumbled. "Can't believe you'd insult a man in his own home while you don't even have deodorant on."   
  
Pathfinder took Mirage's place by the stove and began to shift around the sides of the pancake with the spatula in preparation to flip it. To Renee, it almost looked like they had a routine set in place, something silent between them that they had practiced over and over again.   
  
"I'm not sure I'll be around for much longer anyway," she told them. "I could open a portal anytime now."   
  
Pathfinder dropped the spatula in favour of clapping his hands together. "That is very delightful news!" Pathfinder exclaimed only for Mirage to scramble to the ground to pick up the spatula and start scolding him before taking back control of the cooking.   
  
"Excited to get back?" He asked her once he finished setting the first completed pancake on a plate.   
  
Rene accepted the glass of water that Pathfinder was holding out and gave him a small smile as thanks. She took a quick sip before she answered, "anyone would be."   
  
"Just wondering if you were looking forward to anything in particular," he said nonchalantly.   
  
He was just prodding, she knew that and couldn't help but wonder if maybe he had caught onto something about Natalie last night.   
  
The pan sizzled while she considered what to say and eventually she murmured, "we have a holiday today. Everyone looks forward to it where I'm from, I'm surprised no one's mentioned it."   
  
"I don't think we have anything special happening today," Mirage considered. "Path?"   
  
Pathfinder's console showed a teary face when he said, "there are no holidays scheduled for today. We should have more holidays like you do."   
  
A faint smile graced her lips when she explained, "really? It's an important holiday. You don't celebrate the birthday of Emperor Mew-Mew the cat king?"   
  
"What - okay you're just fucking with us because of the cat thing I brought up last night," Mirage groaned. "At least, in some reality, you have a sense of humour."   
  
"I would never joke about our honoured Emperor," she hummed and ducked her smile underneath her hands.   
  
Pathfinder raised a hand as if she was a teacher and asked, "is Emperor Mew-Mew from a species of domesticated cat or a wild big cat?"   
  
"She's joking Path," Mirage grumbled. "Help me out here and grab me the maple syrup from the fridge."   
  
A smile was still on her face while she flexed her fingers and went through the motions of closing and opening a fist. There was certainly energy there, humming under her skin and ready to be released.   
  
"So what's the plan?" Mirage asked, snapping her out of her head.   
  
She set that hand on her knee while she explained, "I'll try to find your version of me through the void. If we can come up with a spot then we can organise where to make the portal. Last time we placed it in the same place where it started and ended and walked through it at the same time, we'll need to do that again."   
  
"How do you talk to her?" He continued. "I'm guessing there's no inter-dimensional phone line."   
  
Renee blinked, "I thought you knew how this worked?"   
  
Mirage almost looked hurt by that, "it's not like she's told us everything. I figured it was more of a voice mail thing, you know a bit of 'leave a message after the beep'…Uh, and then one of her selves says 'hey you're getting shot'. I didn't think it was much of a conversation."   
  
"It normally isn't," she agreed, "but I've been practicing on refining it. Do you have somewhere quiet I can use?"   
  
His hand reached out to pause the music playing from his phone before he spoke. "Bathroom's around the corner," he pointed out and as she stood up to leave he added, "and put on some deodorant while you're in there!"   
  
She has happy enough to leave the two of them while she could figure this out herself. Still, she worried about what could happen without Natalie. She'd only ever practiced something as specific as this with her help to keep her grounded, she'd gotten better at it but it was hard to maintain focus without being overwhelmed.   
  
Mirage's bathroom was as overwhelming as the rest of his home. The only thing in excess was the number of products in his shower and around the vanity. She took a moment to wash her face and rub the sleep out of her eyes which was when she noticed that Mirage and her apparently shared the same type of deodorant. She was tempted to guess whose taste that was a testament to but shoved the thought aside. She didn't come here to procrastinate.   
  
Renee made a split-second decision not to sit on the floor and instead manoeuvred herself to lie down in the empty bathtub. It wasn't in any way comfortable but she figured it was better than sitting on the toilet or on the shower floor.   
  
She stretched out her legs that just reached the end of the large bathtub rim and set her hands in her lap. She'd done this with Natalie, now she had to figure out how to manage it by herself.   
  
There was someone out there. Someone like herself but certainly not her. Someone who was in her home with her wife but still lived in that old miserable apartment in this reality. That was how she tied the picture together, with pieces of the puzzle that she had come to learn.   
  
She rested a hand on the edge of the bathtub and when she opened her eyes they were milky.   
  
"You're in the wrong place," she muttered into the void while she tried to catch a thread. "You're in the wrong place."   
  
There was nothing. Only the murmuring of the two outside the bathroom and the hum of the void that always resided within her.   
  
"Come on where are you?" She asked.   
  
There was no responsive hum, no feeling that anyone was listening on the other side that she was used to expecting. For a moment she was ready to leave and rise out of the bathroom, so when she heard a murmur in the back of her mind her hand grappled for purchase back on the rim of the tub.   
  
She paused for a moment, basking in the quiet so that no other voice would escape her and waited.   
  
A moment later, Renee heard an identical voice cracked through her mind, "is that you?"   
  
"Thank fuck," she laughed in relief into her hand, "is Nat there?"   
  
There was no response on the other end for a moment before she heard the voice echo through again, "is that you?"   
  
Renee's lip curled and her fist wracked against the bathtub in frustration. The void certainly made for the world's shittiest phoneline. She needed to keep this quick and simple.   
  
She had come up with the idea last night, now she just had to pray that it could work. "Can you make it to your old apartment?" She asked and prayed that it would make it through. "Did you hear that?"   
  
Thankfully, this time she heard the voice respond dimly, "yes, how did you-"   
  
Renee waited again for her to continue but either she stopped or whatever she wanted to say was lost in the void. 

It weighed uncomfortably on her but she had a location at least, somewhere to set a portal, a place to go home.   
  
Her limbs felt heavy when she lifted herself out of the tub and onto the cold bathroom tiles. She didn't slow down as she passed through the kitchen and back to the living room where she pulled her shoes back on and wrapped her scarf around her.   
  
Once she had pulled her boots back on, she glanced towards the kitchen where Mirage and Pathfinder where poking their heads around the corner and staring at her.   
  
"Let me guess," Mirage said, "you're going to want a doggy bag for the pancakes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this took me a week to edit this chapter but it's the end of the semester at Uni and work started piling up so whoops. And I did say that this would be finished last month but also whoops to that. 
> 
> Hopefully, the actual chapter isn't a whoops though and I hope that you all enjoy it!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a while ride (and definitely took longer than I expected) but we got there in the end.

If Renee didn't know any better, she might have thought that this apartment had never been inhabited. There was no furniture and the simple fixtures of the apartment were covered in a thin coat of dust.  
  
In her world, it looked much different. Her mismatched chairs would still be huddled around the dining table with an odd leg and there would be a burn mark on the kitchen backsplash from a failed cooking endeavour. Even then, both apartments were equally without warmth.  
  
Natalie piped up, "we're lucky I still had a key laying around."  
  
Renee nodded and skimmed a finger along the dust left on the kitchen tiles. "How long has this place been empty?" She asked although the question came out more fragile than she anticipated.  
  
"Oh, let me think," she considered as she moved further into the living room. "About five months I think."  
  
"No one's moved in since then?"  
  
Natalie shook her head, "not yet. Though I suppose that works out better for us."  
  
It was off-putting staring at the apartment while it was so empty. For all its faults, even her apartment had some comfort in its familiarity. It didn't matter now, it would fine soon when she would see it back to normal again. Things could go back to just how they used to be.  
  
If that was even what she wanted anymore.  
  
"Renee?" She asked tentatively. "Are you alright?"  
  
She blinked and her head snapped towards where Natalie was standing as if she had been calling to her for a while. She winced, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you nervous."  
  
"You don't need to apologise," she said with an easy wave, "I just wanted to see if you were alright."  
  
"I'm fine," she said simply. She flexed the muscles in her hand, the energy was there and it was eager to be dispersed. "I just need to focus now."  
  
Renee didn't realise that Natalie had gotten close until she felt a tugging at her wrist. "Talk to me for a moment," Natalie said gently.  
  
She took a long inhale, "alright."  
  
It only took another moment Renee to relax, resting her weight on her heels while she leaned back against the kitchen counter.  
  
"I know you're anxious to leave here," she murmured, "but rushing into this won't help."  
  
Renee narrowed her eyes, "I know."  
  
And she did. As much as she was used to scolding her teammates, normally Mirage, for recklessness, she had to admit that she was just as prone to it.  
  
"You're going to open a portal now?" Natalie asked.  
  
"I think - I know I can do this now," she told her. "Decide a start and stop point and time for the portal."  
  
The engineer gave her a shaky smile, "be sure to take your time. You know that I'll be here for you if you want to stop and try later again."  
  
"I can't."  
  
The grip on her wrist tightened, "sit down with me-"  
  
"I can't just 'sit down' right now when I'm so close to fixing this," she snapped. "How can you even talk about waiting right now?"  
  
"Because I care about you!" Natalie shouted, raising her voice for the first time since Renee had been here. "And it's not simply because you're some alternate version of my wife. I'm trying to keep you safe why don't you care about that?"  
  
When Renee swallowed all she felt was a dry itchiness coating her throat. "I appreciate everything that you've-"  
  
"No, you don't understand!" She exclaimed. "It's not appreciation I want, I want you to care about what happens to you. I want to know that you care about the risks because I can barely watch you risk your life but you seem to be ready to do it so easily."  
  
"You're wrong," Renee said but she could barely raise her voice in response. "You barely know me."  
  
A sad smile ground its way onto Natalie's face, "maybe not but I think you're scared."  
  
She barely mustered the courage to bark a laugh, "fine, you're right, I'm scared that the void's going to rip me into pieces."  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
The hand that wasn't in Natalie's grasp tightened and she was so close to pulling away. Yet she didn't.  
  
"I just want to go home," Renee murmured. "This sort of place…"  
  
"It's me isn't it?" She asked, voice cracked.  
  
She had to keep her eyes off of Natalie. She couldn't look now. Couldn't look in the blue eyes, couldn't face her if she was crying and the idea that she had been the one to make her cry.  
  
She kept her eyes on the white wall ahead of her, "I couldn't be scared of you."  
  
"You're scared of what I might mean," she continued, "of what this place might mean."  
  
"I just want to go back," Renee argued, "that's why I'm doing all of this."  
  
Renee felt a warm hand on her cheek and she didn't resist when Natalie slowly turned her head toward her. When she saw her face, her breath stuttered.  
  
Her first thought was that Natalie wasn't crying.  
  
Her eyes were full with a kind of brightness that Renee couldn't label as anything but love. The smile on her face wasn't forced at all. She had no idea how the other legend in front of her managed to remain so patient and sweet.  
  
Natalie closed her eyes for a moment before she looked back up, "do you want things to stay the same when you go back?"  
  
When she answered her voice was wet, "I don't know."  
  
"Maybe not yet," Natalie assured her, "but I know that you'll figure it out."  
  
And at that Renee was tempted to give roll her eyes or shake her head, except when she met the other legend's eyes, they were wide and sincere. It was a squirming and uncomfortable feeling, something she wasn't used to and she didn't think she ever would be.  
  
She'd considered facing it before during those nights with Elliott and Pathfinder. When Elliott was rambling about some story, she would consider raising her voice. She'd repeat over and over in her mind that they'd listen to her and she knew that there was barely a chance of judgment.  
  
But that was still a chance.  
  
And while there was still a chance, she never dared to explain anything to them. Somehow, she could understand that this version of her had been different. She had Natalie in her life to speak to after all.  
  
So instead of ignoring her or changing the conversation, Renee said, "I hope so."  
  
"If you're anything like my wife, I know that there are all these things that you're dealing with," she told her, "but please try to remember that you need to put yourself first…I'm not sure I even know what I'm saying."  
  
She managed to put on a shaky smile, "I know what you mean and I'll remember it."  
  
"Are you sure you're ready to do this today?" Natalie asked.  
  
"I am now."  
  
Renee took a few steps back from her and headed to rest her weight on the door. Before she could take more than two steps, she felt a hand tug at her shoulder and she faced Natalie for just a moment before she was embraced in a crushing hug.  
  
The air was pushed out of her lungs and her hands stayed uselessly at her side. Renee knew that the other legend was the same height as she was. Yet during the games, she had always felt that Natalie was smaller, more fragile than she was, something to be protected.  
  
Her hands oddly fit around Natalie's back and she let out a small exhale when the other woman squeezed her tighter. She never thought that she would feel that way or that she would even like feeling that. It was a feeling of protection, of safety.  
  
It didn't last long enough. When Natalie pulled away she almost wanted to ask her to come close again. She knew that she shouldn't, that she had something else that she needed to focus on right now.  
  
She remembered what Natalie had told her earlier, she knew how to focus on that voice in her head. 

She took a few steps back from Natalie and began to take deep breaths. She followed the steps from last time, tracing back to that other version of her that she knew existed. The woman who wanted to go home, just like her.  
  
The voice came to her before she could speak, a simple command, "start at the wall-"  
  
"-And end at the door," she finished.  
  
She moved over to the rest a hand on the wall while the other reached out in front of her. There was a certain fear of mistiming but she was also reassured by the connection between the two of them. If she could trust herself then she had to trust this other version of her to keep in time and place.  
  
She could almost feel both of them breathing in time. She didn't hesitate when she heard a single word, an order, in her mind.  
  
"Now."  
  
She began the portal at the wall and paced forwards, she knew that Natalie was watching her with a nervous smile on her face. It was all the reassurance she needed to finish setting the portal at the door.   
  
It only took a second to step back, trusting that the other version of her would do the same, and she began to fall.  
  
-  
  
Natalie was waiting for Renee on the other side. She had chosen that old apartment to meet in for the sake of simplicity but she had never been more grateful to leave. Her home was their apartment after all and she was so giddy with energy as she embraced her wife and slipped back on her wedding ring.  
  
Natalie didn't ask too many questions and Renee was thankful, there would be another time to talk about what exactly happened. That would come after they returned to their bed with a steaming mug each. There Renee asked her to fill the silence with stories, little anecdotes that made her feel warm and always contained a pun.   
  
What came after felt strangely natural. They started dinners again with Doctor Nox and Renee continued knitting again and barely got better but Natalie lovingly wore each piece she made. It was such an easy rhythm to fall into that she almost forgot that about the games.  
  
She almost flinched when Natalie reminded her that they had a game the following week.  
  
Still, she made it onto the dropship again with Natalie by her side.  
  
"You sure you don't want to take today off?" She asked Renee for the fourth time since they'd left the apartment that morning.  
  
And for the fourth time, she answered, "I'm fine Nat."  
  
Her wife's intimidating set up and gear was all but ruined when she puffed her cheeks out in frustration. "If you want to take the day off I really will make them turn this dropship around," she promised her.  
  
She didn't bother muffling her laugh at all, "I really am alright."  
  
"After what happened last time…"  
  
"We'll be alright," Renee promised her, "we were last time and I know we always will be."  
  
Natalie opened her mouth again but there was a short alarm that dragged their attention over to the consoles which listed the team groupings. She scanned for her name first, finding it alongside Lifeline and Bangalore, a reliable team and familiar one too.  
  
Mirage was already making noise and was calling over Natalie and Pathfinder, his own teammates. It only took another second for Natalie to kiss her on the cheek, for luck as she said, and to straighten her scarf, to make sure she didn't strangle herself as she also brightly added.  
  
Before Natalie took another step, Renee couldn't help but calling out, "Mirage?"  
  
"Huh? What is it?" He asked her, she didn't miss his nervousness, it was probably the only time she'd called to him outside of a match.  
  
"I'm thinking Old Ark's," she said simply.  
  
He only blinked at her, "what?"  
  
"That tiny place with the broken air conditioner," she continued while thinking back to that dinner in that other world that she'd spent with those legends. "You know it?  
  
"Yeah I know it," he said warily.  
  
"Your team can pay the bill if our team places higher than yours," she told him, "otherwise if you place higher then we'll pay for it."  
  
Lifeline and Bangalore were already heading over to her, adjusting their gear for the last time before the match would begin. Lifeline had overheard the conversation and was holding a fierce grin on her face while Bangalore was rolling her eyes.  
  
Renee thought back to that night in that other reality and as terrifying as it had been, that dinner between the other legends had been a reprieve. It might have been foolish to imitate something that belonged to a different reality but at the same time, Renee hadn't been able to keep her mind off of that night.  
  
She had built a relationship with Natalie, one that years ago she would have never thought was possible. Then there had been dinners with Doctor Nox as well but somewhere along the way she had decided that was enough. That she didn't have enough in her to reach out to the other legends in the same way.  
  
But that was wrong, wasn't it?  
  
"Wait you're starting a bet?" Mirage asked her. "Uh, wouldn't you be betting against your wife?"  
  
She smiled lazily, "if you're too scared-"  
  
"Hey, I'm not scared!"  
  
Before he could continue to argue, Path pulled his attention away as they settled together by their side of the dropship where Natalie would need to join them soon.  
  
Natalie gave her a funny smile and said, "you know we share an account right? No matter which one of our teams win, we're both going to end up paying."  
  
"I promise that it'll be worth it," she murmured.  
  
"I'm sure it will," she agreed, "and you'll be careful setting portals down there?"  
  
She nodded, "as careful as I can be."  
  
"I know, I know," Natalie settled before she hesitated for a moment longer, "do…Do you ever think about what happened to those two?"  
  
Renee didn't need to ask who she was referring to. "I'm sure those two crazy kids worked out fine," she told her.  
  
"Hey Watts," Lifeline warned her, "if you stick with us for a little longer ya' gonna end up dropping with us instead of ya' team."  
  
"Oh! Of course!" She realised. "I'll see you at dinner then!"  
  
She gave a quick kiss to her cheek and a wave before she started jogging backwards towards Mirage and Pathfinder. She knew that her other two teammates were probably rolling her eyes behind her but not even that could wipe the giddy smile off of her face.  
  
They were going to be alright, no matter where they were.  
  
-  
  
No one was waiting for Renee on the other side.  
  
Her apartment was just as she remembered it though that didn't give her any comfort. She glanced back at the portal behind her and as her eyes met the darkening void she felt her vision waver.  
  
Her legs gave out next but she barely felt the impact of her knees hitting the ground. The rush of the void hit her a second later, it had been different travelling this time. A greater fall, a harder rush of gravity coming back to meet her.  
  
The numbness in her body left her gradually, she felt it on her face first. A cold feeling on her face as if she'd fallen straight into icy water. Her vision evened out slowly while her hands grasped at the ground, trying to reach upwards to reach something - no that wasn't it - she wanted Natalie to be there.  
  
She didn't expect a hand to touch her shoulder, too large, not at all like Natalie's should have been.  
  
Was this even her apartment?  
  
If it wasn't, she wasn't leaving her safety to chance. Her hand smacked out and the weight on her shoulder immediately retreated with a yelping sound.  
  
When she blinked again her vision seemed to return to her, the numbness was still fading and leaving an aftermath of pins and needles. It was a wrong and raw feeling but it allowed her to focus her gaze on the intruders in her apartment.  
  
"Holy shit is it the wrong one?," Elliott breathed out as he took the opportunity to hide behind Pathfinder's taller form. "Do we do it again?"  
  
She narrowed her eyes but still let out a breath of relief, "no it's me you idiot."  
  
"Are you sure?" He asked again. "Like double and triple sure?"  
  
"I swapped with the right one didn't I?" She asked and winced when she heard how desperate she sounded. "She should've just taken the portal to leave-"  
  
"A moment ago," he confirmed. "She was pretty ready to get going so we just waited here for something to happen. But I guess it worked since you showed up."  
  
Pathfinder took the opportunity to extend his arms which held a small container, "would like some pancakes Renee?"  
  
Her reality was just as she had left it. She wouldn't have to worry anymore.  
  
The thought bought her a small smile and she waved away the MRVN, "I'm fine for now Path. But thanks."  
  
"So are you okay and all 'cause-" Elliott began but she was already nodding and pulling herself from the ground.  
  
"Yeah, I'm good, perfect, wonderful," she said until she realised that she should stop rambling, "actually I should go. Right now."  
  
Elliott laughed nervously, his eyes switching between her's and Pathfinder's, "nuh-uh maybe sitting down would be a good call right now."  
  
She shook her head and started heading for the door, "I should find Natalie."  
  
Find her before this anxious adrenaline could wear off and she would back away again. She needed to say something now, it was a restless feeling, as undeniable as the void itself.  
  
"I wish you good luck!" Pathfinder exclaimed before giving her a double thumbs-up, which of course resulted in him dropping the pancake container to the ground and a resulting sigh from Elliott.  
  
"Maybe you shouldn't…" Elliott seemed to start to warn her but hesitated. "Actually, you know what? Go crazy I'm sure you'll figure it out."  
  
Renee barely heard the start of his sentence before she was already out of the door and heading to the elevator. It was closed which only briefly stopped her before she started climbing up the stairs. From what she could remember Natalie lived four floors above her, easy to reach.  
  
It was ridiculous to think that she could try to mirror what they had in that other reality. She knew it was a far gone fantasy, something that she might imagine late at night when everything went quiet.  
  
But if there was a chance that she could live out a fraction of that warm joy that she knew was out there, she was going to take it. She had no plan, only a wish that she might see her and that when Natalie looked back, she would see Renee and smile.  
  
When she reached Natalie's floor she started knocking randomly at doors, she wasn't even sure which one it was and she was probably waking people up at this hour as well. Still, she couldn't find it in her to care.  
  
She had just finished knocking on another door when she heard one open behind her.  
  
"Hello?" Natalie's voice carried down the hall to her.  
  
She had heavy dark circles around her eyes, her hair was hidden by the baggy yellow hood that she was wearing and she looked exhausted but Renee had never been more glad to see her.  
  
Then Natalie's eyes went wide when spotted her further down the hall. The other legend's eyes went wide for a moment before shuffled back into her apartment and slammed the door shut.  
  
That wasn't the reaction that she was expecting.  
  
Renee took a few steps towards Natalie's apartment knocked again, although a little less rushed this time.  
  
"Hello?" She asked.  
  
There was silence on the end for a long moment.  
  
She flexed her wrists and swallowed before she tried again, "can we talk?"  
  
For another moment, she thought that Natalie was intent on ignoring her entirely before she heard a voice from the other side.  
  
"I'm not sure that's a good idea."  
  
Renee flinched but lifted a hand to keep it resting on the door. "I need to speak to you," she tried again.  
  
To her surprise, the door opened slowly, just wide enough that Natalie could peek her head out of the door.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Natalie mumbled and she rubbed her eyes and only then Renee realised that they were bloodshot.  
  
Her foot tapped anxiously at the carpeted floor as she asked, "can I come in?"  
  
"I don't think we should do that," she said while glancing down the hallway as if she could find a distraction.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Natalie blinked at her before she drew her mouth into a thin line, "because…I don't want to think about the kiss."  
  
Renee felt like she'd been slapped.  
  
"The kiss?" She repeated.  
  
"You don’t even-" Natalie began but her voice cracked, "n-no, I really can't do this."  
  
The door was already closing in her face and Natalie was getting further away. She stuck a foot in the door at the last moment and kept her hand on the edge of it to stop it from fully closing.  
  
She leaned forward and her grip on the door shook, "please, I can explain everything just let me in for a few minutes."  
  
When Natalie's face turned back to look at her she could only feel grateful that she still had a chance. When she opened the door, Renee didn't hesitate to duck around the door and with a small 'thanks'.  
  
She stood aimlessly around the room, not sure if she should take a seat or continue standing there. Natalie's back was resting against the door and Renee might not have exactly been a people person, but she knew what discomfort looked like.  
  
"So-"  
  
Natalie didn't hesitate to interrupt her, "I'm sorry about what happened last night. I didn't think and I should have and you don't have to say anything because I'm not going to tell anyone-"  
  
"I wasn't here last night," Renee interrupted her.  
  
The engineer's eyes narrowed painfully, "you don't remember?"  
  
"No," she told her, "I really wasn't even here in the first place."  
  
Natalie wrapped her hands around her waist as if she was going to be sick and said, "if you want me to pretend that it never happened then I can do that. But please don't talk around me like that."  
  
Renee shook her head in frustration. She should've thought this over in her head, should've made a plan to everything that Natalie might have asked because she had to do this right.  
  
"Alright, there isn't an easy way to describe this but I'll try," she began and took a deep breath, "yesterday I went through a portal and I swapped places with another version of myself from an alternate reality. I only got back a few minutes ago."  
  
Natalie's eyebrows raised and then narrowed again, completely unimpressed.  
  
The blonde squeezed her eyes shut and took another breath, "that is by far, the worst excuse anyone has ever used on me."  
  
"It's true," Renee said but her words sounded weak in her ears.  
  
Natalie huffed and shook her head, "and somehow I believe you, but I still have to say that it's a bad excuse for dignity's sake."  
  
"I'm sorry but I don't know what happened last night," she apologised.  
  
She winced and hugged her hands around her waist tighter, "maybe we can just forget about it then."  
  
"She tried to kiss you?"  
  
"The other way around," Natalie corrected after a slight pause. "And then she ran away."  
  
Renee lifted her hands in the air like her body was thinking before her mind was. She wanted to do something, hold her and say all the right things.  
  
That hand ended up at her temple, rubbing small circles, "that…That makes sense, she's married in the other world."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"To you."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
Natalie pointed at herself with a confused look and added, "me? Are you sure?"  
  
"Those versions of us were married," she explained and her body felt so very heavy. Would Natalie even believe her? Renee wouldn't have if someone had told her.  
  
Natalie was tugging at the strings of her hoodie while shifting her weight from side to side, "I should have known something was wrong. You - she was acting different last night."  
  
"Makes sense," she added.  
  
"I can't imagine what that would be like," Natalie murmured. "I knew a bit about your abilities but I never thought something like that could happen."  
  
Renee took a few slow steps closer to her and explained, "I don't expect anything from you. I don't think that we have to be same as them, I'm not trying to force some reality on you and pretend that it's destiny."  
  
"But you're here," Natalie mumbled.  
  
"Before I went there," she started, "I thought about you. A lot. When I was there I was scared and not just because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to come back. It was because I regretted that I wouldn't be able to tell you how I felt. I don't want to be a coward anymore."  
  
Natalie shook her head, "I never would've thought you were a coward."  
  
"I should've said something earlier," she told her.  
  
"Well," she said with a hesitant smile, "then maybe I should've kissed you earlier."  
  
Renee felt her knees weaken and she swayed in her place for a second, "you would've?"  
  
"I tried to last night," she said. "So why not?"  
  
"I-," Renee started and then paused, "I didn't think I'd get this far."  
  
Natalie's laugh bubbled up and she dropped her hands from the strings on her hoodie that she was tugging at.  
  
"We could do something," Renee continued, a smile growing on her face, "do you like coffee? There's a place nearby or there's a restaurant…But it's breakfast so that won't work. I'm not even asking what you want to do, which I should-"  
  
She only stopped speaking when Natalie's hands reached to cradle her face in her hands and pulled her into a kiss. It took Renee a moment to get over the fact that it really was Natalie Paquette that was kissing her before she could respond.  
  
She raised a hand to comb through the hair on the back of Natalie's head while she drew her into a deeper kiss. It was too short and Renee was so close to giving a disappointed whine when Natalie pulled away.  
  
Natalie was just so…Her hood had been pulled back, leaving her messy hair down for Renee to comb through while she admired her. She looked completely perfect.  
  
With a lazy smile, Renee buried her head into her neck which made Natalie give out a laugh.  
  
"Are you going to stay there?" Natalie asked her and lifted a hand to rub between Renee's shoulder blades.  
  
"You…" She mumbled into her shoulder before she lifted her head up. "You are just so cute."  
  
Natalie gave her a sweet smile and leaned back up to pepper small kisses all across Renee's face. "I'm not the only cute one," Natalie teased her.  
  
"I'm not really a 'cute' kind of person," she said with a small laugh, although she didn't stop Natalie from continuing to map a path of kisses on her face.  
  
Natalie shook her head when she drew back, "you are the cutest person I know."  
  
"Whatever you say," she mumbled and leaned back into kiss her again but Natalie pressed a finger against her lips to silence her.  
  
"I mean that," she assured her, "you are so cute, so smart, so perfect."  
  
She nodded with a laugh, "alright, I'm cute. You win. Does this mean that you'll get coffee with me?  
  
She seemed to consider that for a moment. "I think I'd rather stay inside," she said and then added, "with you of course. I have tea, hot chocolate, coffee and basically everything and I have this documentary that's about- or is that boring? We can just go to a café-"  
  
"I love the idea of a documentary with you," Renee interrupted her and the shy smile that appeared on Natalie's face only made her own smile brighter. "Also if you want I have dinosaur nuggets in my fridge."  
  
Natalie asked, "dinosaur nuggets?"  
  
"They're cheaper than regular nuggets," she explained, "and they're the only thing in my fridge I can offer you right now."  
  
"Nuggets and warm mugs," she hummed, "I could bring out some warm blankets in my room for the couch too."  
  
Renee nodded and shifted her feet around her, "I'll grab them and I'll be back in a few minutes."  
  
Natalie stopped her before she could run out of the apartment, "or I could come with you and we could get them together?"  
  
Hadn't she been afraid of something as simple as showing someone else her apartment just yesterday? Right now she didn't feel any of those insecurities around Natalie, it was almost like she had never known them in the first place.  
  
"That sounds even better," she said softly.  
  
The two of them left the apartment together, heading towards the stairs when Natalie told her, "you'll have to help me with my TV when we get back. I've never had a piece of tech that I've struggled with more than it. I always end up rebooting it over and over until it works."  
  
Renee's hand moved at her side, easily and comfortably slipping into Natalie's as if it had always belonged there.  
  
"That's fine," Renee promised her, "we have all the time in the world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ultimate wlw fantasy is watching your smart girlfriend's documentaries while eating nuggets and having warm drinks and I will not be corrected. That's the peak of success right there.
> 
> Ok but seriously, thank you so much for supporting me, especially when I was down or when I couldn't come up with anything to write. Thank you so much everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> I really just needed more yearning content for Wraith.  
> If you enjoyed this leave a kudos or a comment, it means the world to me!


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